As if wedding planning weren’t stressful enough, clashes with your fiancé can heighten the anxiety. You scoured the internet to find the perfect vendor for your flowers and he doesn’t like any of their designs. Or maybe he’s introducing elements into the wedding plan that just don’t fit. Perhaps he’s even being a bit of a control freak, wanting to sign off on every single detail. To sum it up: He’s become a groomzilla.
If this sounds all too familiar to you, we’ve consulted a few relationship experts for ways to cope with planning clashes and turn disagreements into constructive ways to work together.
Communicate from the Start — and Keep Talking
Before you even start your wedding planning, dream together about what your ideal wedding would be like. The operative word here is “dream.” This is is the brainstorming stage; so let the ideas flow. Don’t shoot down or get too attached to any ideas now. Just let them be heard. The purpose? To find out what each of you wants from your wedding so you make informed decisions with your partner’s desires in mind as your planning progresses.
Let Go of Your Fantasy Wedding
So often, brides have been planning their weddings since they were wee girls. But this can cause unrealistic expectations. Make sure you do tell your man which aspects of the ceremony are most important to you, but don’t expect that he’s going to fully agree with them. Remember, it’s his wedding, too. Work together to incorporate details you both will love.
Be Ready to Compromise
No two people are ever going to agree 100 percent, but this doesn’t mean disagreements have to be a negative. According to April Masini, relationship expert and columnist at AskApril.com, the fact that you’re having an issue is less important than the opportunity it creates to resolve conflict in your relationship.
Alisa Ruby Bash, Licenced Marriage and Family Therapist with a private practice in Beverly Hills agrees: “How you deal with disagreements now is going to set the groundwork for the rest of your marriage. You’re always going to have to compromise, so develop positive ways to work through arguments together.”
Keep It Private
If you do have a disagreement that gets particularly hairy, don’t publicize it, says Masini. The last thing you want to do is get friends, or worse, family involved. “That’s a fail. Make a pact with your fiancé to keep this issue between the two of you while you work on resolving it.”
Remember What You’re Actually Doing
It’s so easy to get bogged down by details, which can cause you to lose sight of the bigger picture. Keep coming back to the reason you’re getting married in the first place.
As Bash advises, “It’s important to remember that you’re not alone. All couples have dealt with this kind of stress. And stress and anxiety is a waste of time. Spend time nurturing each other and focus on the love. When you look back, are you going to remember the napkin rings, or the amazing time?”