With summer drawing to a close, parents are desperate.
Camp’s over; the kids’ friends have left for more exotic destinations. A trip to the pool doesn’t yield the same excitement it did in June. And so many families are caving to demands for a trip to the amusement park.
Whether you’re thinking of Six Flags, Sesame Place, Hershey Park or Dutch Wonderland: Don’t do it — you’ll be sorry.
Amusement parks — especially water parks — have never been more popular. More than 26 million people went to a Six Flags last year.
John Robinett of the nonprofit Themed Entertainment Asssociation has some hifatlutin’ reasons why:
“As the immediacy of knowledge increases due to the Internet, and as global militantism spreads, many traditional societal structures and securities are fraying. . . . Leisure and culture are, and will continue to be, a perfect antidote.”
Sorry, not even the Internet, social decay and “global militantism” should drive you to this extreme.
These parks bring out the worst in kids and parents alike. What starts out as a special treat ends, more often than not, in exhaustion, disappointment and tears.
As soon as you get to the park, you shell out a couple of hundred dollars for a family of four. Already, expectations are unrealistic as parents start to do the math. How many rides will I get for that amount of money?
The answer — at least in August — is four.
That’s because of the lines.
The endless lines.
Time stops as you stand in the shadeless maze leading up to even the least thrilling ride.
Parents and children barely speak to each other; everyone just stares slack-jawed as the ride operator opens the gate, checks every safety bar twice, asks everyone for a “thumbs up,” and then turns the magic key.
Over and over we count the number of people in front of us, wondering how many more rounds before our turn.Over and over we count the number of people in front of us, wondering how many more rounds before our turn.
As a break, you get some food or try a non-ride amusement. Are you the kind of parent who can just let it go — simply pretend that dollars spent inside a park are just monopoly money?
Then suddenly your kids see you paying $60 for a gourmet meal of chicken nuggets and French fries. Or giving them $5 bills hand-over-fist to win a cheap stuffed animal at a booth with rigged games. It’s Christmas in August.
Back to the rides? Be ready for the height requirements.
If you’ve ever wanted to see sibling rivalry at its worst, or watch longtime friends seethe with jealousy toward one another, just explain to them that only the ones who are tall enough will get to go on the best rides.
No, it’s not because someone can kick the ball harder or run faster — that’s the kind of physical advantage they understand. It’s because of where the seatbelt falls on them.
Just try telling the shorter ones they can go on the roller coaster, but only with an adult to escort them. A 6-year-old boy can barely keep his dignity.
Then there’s the other parents — some of whom seem to think the lines are part of the game.
At Dutch Wonderland last weekend, one father approached my kids and asked if they were in line. For five minutes, he had his daughter stand behind them. When I turned my head, he sneaked her ahead of them.
Then he did it to the kids next in line too.
Give it a couple of years and he’ll become one of those parents who pretends his kid is disabled to get priority access at Disney World.
But do you start a scene? Is it worse to let your kids get pushed around or for them to see you shouting with another parent over cutting in the “Twister” line?
Fortunately, you have 45 minutes to ponder the question.
By the end of the day, you see mothers and fathers plying their kids with ice cream and slushees to ease the effects of the heat, frustration and anger.
It’s like they’ve forgotten — it was all the kids’ idea in the first place.