College Football

You can count on airwaves for useless stats

Dr. Jorge Ortiz, director of surgical transplantation at the University of Toledo Medical Center, writes to pass along a quote from a 20th Century philosopher, as per what Dr. Ortiz has diagnosed as “dumb stats”:

“Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.”

With that in mind, perhaps Dr. Ortiz would like to join us this morning in shouting, “Nurse!”

Thursday afternoon in Detroit, the Tigers’ Kyle Lobstein, in his first big league start, was pulled after six innings. He had allowed the Yankees four hits; the score was 2-2.

It was then that Michael Kay, calling the telecast on YES — there is no stat so insignificant, irrelevant or, yes, dumb, that YES’s audiences shouldn’t be provided as a substitute for enlightenment — hit us with this one:

“The Yankees are 12-12 this season in games in which they were opposed by a starting pitcher who was facing them for the first time in his career.”

Granted, that’s a lot to consider — even if it did mean absolutely nothing.

Lobstein was gone — and would be long gone — regardless of which team won this tied game, and even then the win-some/lose-some info was worthless, unless confusing the easily confused with nonsense holds some value. That Kay and Ken Singleton didn’t derive meaning from the stat, which Kay took the time to read in a tie game, is to their credit, because it meant nothing.

But this is what now passes as determined research and expert insight as we’re taken on statistical joy rides to the Idiots’ Picnic. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck …

The day before, the folks at ESPN tried to make the statistical point that the Yankees’ reservist pitchers — those rookies brought up or called upon to start in place of the injured — have allowed the Yanks to be 33-19 in games they’ve started.

Same nonsense as what Kay read.

If ESPN had any sense of statistical or self-evident context — the Worldwide Leader in Sports’ steady disregard for context is why it reports that Bobby Thomson’s 1951 home run won for the Giants “the NLCS” — it might not have even bothered with such a stat.

That 33-19 included the starts of the Yankees’ $155 million “rookie” Masahiro Tanaka, who was 12-4 before he was hurt.

And now, just in time, here comes the NFL season, where fourth down and an inch is entered into the same data pool as fourth down and 20 yards, so that on all subsequent fourth down attempts TV can provide us some pre-snap enlightenment on how each team makes out on fourth down. They’re all the same.

And the same game announcers who watch and call these games every week — the same experts who, far more than most, should know better — will read aloud what’s on the screen, for added emphasis.


Dimitri not NY’s first NFL disappearing act

Jets general manager John Idzik isn’t from around here, thus his reaction to the two-day disappearance of cornerback Dimitri Patterson — Idzik said that in his 20-year football career he never had experienced such a thing — is understandable.

But local NFL fans can recall how former Giants linebacker Antonio Pierce disappeared for two days late in 2008, right after he dropped off wounded teammate Plaxico Burress at a Manhattan hospital at around 2 a.m. After Burress gave a phony name, Pierce left, carrying Burress’ illegal .40-caliber Glock with which Burress accidentally shot himself in the leg while both were in a club.

What’s that? You would have called an ambulance for your pal? Heck, you would have done that for a stranger.

Naturally, police wanted to question Pierce. But Pierce, in what the NYPD called “a universe of silence after this shooting” made himself invisible. The cops found Pierce when it should have been vice-versa.
After retiring from football in 2009, Pierce was hired by ESPN. Perfect fit.

Back to Patterson, who initally was suspended then was released on Saturday. His indignant, feelings-hurt claim that he charged his agent, Drew Rosenhaus, to contact the Jets to explain his absence, is ridiculous. Patterson is employed by the Jets, not his agent, and he is 31 years old.


The Bud “Revenue” Selig Game of the Week: On Thursday, MLB announced Sept. 14’s Yankees-Orioles Sunday 1:35 p.m. start has been switched to an 8:05 p.m. start for ESPN. Think what that does to the plans of both O’s and Yanks fans who bought tickets to that game. Think about the greed-stricken state of our sports.

Yes, let’s now wrap it up at midnight on a school/work night. Let’s wrap it up when those most interested in the game, and likely a big one, are asleep. Again, what was once out of the question as a matter of common sense and common decency has become common.

MLB, under Selig, didn’t merely lose its soul, at every opportunity it sold it.


USC liar in need of defense

If USC’s 22-year-old football co-captain Josh Shaw had done nothing illegal, if he was only guilty of telling a foolish, self-serving whopper — that he hurt his ankles jumping off a balcony to save his drowning nephew — why would he have needed to hire an attorney, specifically L.A.-based Donald Etra, a criminal defense attorney?


MSG has hired Shannon Hogan, former FOX Sports Detroit reporter, as an Islanders’ telecasts host and reporter.


Though Pete Carroll bolted USC for the Seahawks while the USC football program was being slapped, and hard, for violations on his watch, USC next year will induct Carroll into its Hall of Fame. Yep, Halls of Fame standards are way down.


Because ESPN is so eager to cross-pollinate with many of the most vulgar, hateful and violent rappers, how is that its “Bottom Line” and “SportsCenter” don’t report the latest arrests and shooting from the world of rap? Seems like an easy thing for an ESPN insider to “confirm,” too.


Reader Tom Neuberger would like to see college and pro football ban the “freeze the field goal kicker timeout because it reeks of bad sportsmanship.” Agreed, Tom, but that ship sailed then sank with home-plate posing.


Dept. of Can’t Make This Stuff Up: John Daly — the pro golfer with all the marital, gambling, drinking and financial problems — now is pushing a line of John Daly-signature flavored vodkas. Ashferit bah name!


Reader G. Cornell wonders how Yankees radio broadcasts can be “driven by Jeep” and sponsored by Audi? Well, one’s a courtesy car.