This week on the “Real Housewives” shows, the men have really been bringing the dude drama. Sure, you may hear about the ladies flipping tables and throwing prosthetic legs, but any true fan of the franchise knows that the housewives’ husbands are just as likely to stir the pot.
Just take Sunday’s episode of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey,” when a friendship between two men came to a dramatic ending over a crappy girlfriend in the middle. Or consider Monday’s penultimate episode of this season’s “The Real Housewives of Orange County,” which teased an epic throw-down between two hubbies over a lame sexual innuendo.
But just like the housewives themselves, not all husbands are created equal. For every fist-slinging hunk, there’s a boring wallflower who rarely utters a word.
Here, then, are the 10 all-time best husbands of the franchise.
10. Jason Hoppy
When Bethenny Frankel finally found love on “The Real Housewives of New York,” it felt like we, America, had accomplished something. Jason was smart, charming, successful and a kind, kind man.
He put up with so much of Bethenny’s crap, it was only a matter of time before the relationship came to a catastrophic end. But while it lasted, Jason gave hope to every middle-aged, career-obsessed woman that love was out there.
9. Apollo Nida
Apollo is a dreamy mess. The most interesting husband among a crowd of bores and jerks on “The Real Housewives of Atlanta,” Apollo is basically the kept man of wife Phaedra Parks.
Already having served time, he’s now headed back to federal prison for eight years on fraud charges.
8. Mauricio Umansky
Kyle Richards’ husband on “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” was kind of a dick last season to Ken Todd, but he still makes the list because he’s very, very hot, and he’s not afraid to show it off in pool scenes.
7. Donn Gunvalson
Poor, poor Donn. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t fill up Vicki’s love tank on “The Real Housewives of Orange County.”
The two fell out of love and he’s long gone from the show, but we’ll never forget his caring attempts to calm the beast that is Vicki enraged.
6. Ken Todd
The saucy British partner of Lisa Vanderpump may seem like he could croak at any minute, but that doesn’t stop him from engaging in as much guy drama as possible.
While other fellows on the series like to make sexist proclamations about how men shouldn’t get involved in women’s business, Todd loves to get down and dirty, sticking up for his wife at all costs.
5. Tareq Salahi
Tareq Salahi, one-time husband of Michaele on “The Real Housewives of DC,” was one half of the White House-crashing duo. This is all you need to know.
4. Simon Van Kempen
Like Todd, Simon Van Kempen loved to get in the heat of things on “New York” with his wife, Alex McCord. He wasn’t opposed to a good argument at a party, and he also gave us the iconic dance single “I Am Real.” See also: leather pants.
3. Romain Zago
We’re not sure Romain Zago really knew what he was getting into when he signed up to marry “Miami” housewife and all-around firecracker Joanna Krupa.
But he handles their relationship with grace while also making sure to call her out on her crap, like when she gets drunk and wants to punch people. Also, he looks like a porn star.
2. Terry Dubrow
If Terry Dubrow really is that upset over another “OC” husband making a bad joke about his wife straddling a mechanical bull, then he may get bumped down a few spots on this list.
But for now, he’s proven himself a refreshing presence — the only plastic surgeon who hasn’t said loads of creepy plastic surgeon-y things. We love his love of dad jokes, but the real reason he ranks this high is his never-ending supply of facial expressions as he reacts to the ludicrous events around him.
1. Joe Gorga
The perfect husband on the “Real Housewives” franchise is one that engages in drama while also being hot. This is harder to find than you may think. But Joe Gorga has it down to an art.
With those lusty eyes and that compact build, he’s like a little Italian meatball you want to have for dinner every night of the week. His one-liners are a scream — who can forget his need to release “the poison”? And the passion he shows as he fights for what he believes in? Swoon.
With all that, who even cares what the women are up to?