Food & Drink

8 ways to ruin your night at a restaurant (and everyone else’s)

Dining out at a restaurant is not a one-way street. Yes, it should be a special experience. Yes, your meal should be delicious, worth the price tag, and prepared to your liking. And, given the right location, yes, you should even expect to be pampered a little bit. But there are still a few ways you can screw up that whole “dining out” thing.

We spoke with some of the industry’s biggest players (and our own restaurant editor, Andrew Knowlton) about what not to do when dining out. Whether it’s gaming the online reservation system or getting blackout drunk (duh, right?), this is the bad behavior that’ll make things awkward for everyone involved.

Let’s Game the System!

Online reservation systems, like OpenTable, are awfully convenient: We can now book tables without the aggravating inconvenience of having to speak with, like, another person! (Human beings, yuck!) But, says John Winterman, a partner at Bâtard and formerly the maître d’ at Daniel and Café Boulud—all in New York City—online reservation systems can also be an enormous headache. Diners will sometimes make a reservation, then constantly change the time or date, he says, causing consternation for the restaurant and, eventually, earning a phone call from the maître d’ to find out what’s up.

And sometimes, says a former server at Budakkan in New York City (who spoke anonymously), online reservers will try to sneak extra people onto a table. “A group will see that there’s no availability for a group of ten at an 8 p.m. seating, but there is room for six people. So they book the reservation for six guests and write a note in the comments: ‘We’ll actually be 10.’” The restaurant will often call the diner to clarify—or else just seat them at two separate tables. Either way, it doesn’t work and the diner looks like a jerk.

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Other diners, seeing that the only open reservations are for, say, 5 p.m. and 11 p.m., will book the early slot—then hang out at the table for upwards of an hour while the rest of their party rolls in at a more dinner-friendly hour. “I loathe to seat incomplete parties,” says Winterman. So now you know: That’s why your host won’t seat you until your perpetually late bestie shows up. This behavior also grinds Andrew Knowlton’s gears: “If a restaurant won’t seat you without your party, it’s not because they don’t like you, or they’re evil people, or they’re trying to ruin your night. It’s not personal. They’re just trying to survive as a business.”

There is, however, one good hack for getting around some reservation systems: pick up the phone and, you know, call the restaurant.

Being Late Is So Fashionable

Traffic happens. A work conference call runs late. We get it, and so does your maître d’. But be sure to call ahead if you’re going to arrive after the reservation, and definitely don’t cancel without 24 hours’ notice if you can help it.

Restaurant managers and reservationists take note of diners who cancel right before their reservations—and if it happens more than once, that diner may find it tricky to nab a seat in the future. White lies may seem harmless, but you won’t fool anyone with a “traffic was atrocious” plea. Says Winterman: “If traffic was bad, everyone would be late. It was just you, and I’ve been holding your table for half an hour.”

You Are the Most Important Diner Ever

We all know not to act like an entitled hothead when interacting when dining out, right? Apparently not. Kimberly Galban, vice president of operations for One Off Hospitality Group, whose restaurants include Avec and The Publican, has seen some pretty atrocious behavior from guests:

  • snapping your fingers to get a servers’ attention
  • saying, “Don’t you know who I am!?” (Ed. note: We are shocked and appalled this actually happens!)
  • claiming you’re more important than other diners: “I should be seated first!”
  • demanding the kitchen make you something off-menu
  • bribing a host for a table: “A smile and a thank you would have been sufficient,” Galban says
  • claiming the restaurant lost your reservation…which you didn’t actually make

Jerky behavior is Knowlton’s biggest pet peeve. “How you act as a diner directly affects your experience at the restaurant,” he says. “You have to meet the staff halfway.” Ben Chekroun, maître d’ of New York City’s Le Bernardin, breaks down exactly how acting like a jerk ruins the night: “When a diner is rude to their waiter, hostess, or other guests, it affects the mood of the whole table.”

Instead, kill ‘em with kindness. A patient smile and gracious words—that’d be please and thank you—can go a long way. And there’s no need to take things any further. Once, when our senior food editor, Dawn Perry, touched the arm of a host at a popular New York City restaurant in a move of solidarity—it was busy, the wait was long, and he was visibly agitated—he recoiled and shouted, “Don’t touch me!” Proceed with caution.

Shots! Shots! Shots!

That martini you sipped while looking over the menu was delicious, wasn’t it? How about those glasses of Sancerre, Barolo, more Barolo, and Port? Hold it. Check yourself. Are you wasted? Winterman explains that far too many diners don’t know their limit and wind up rip-roaring drunk at the table. Don’t be that guy or girl. It’s embarrassing for you, uncomfortable for the restaurant, and a nuisance for everyone around you. Drinking with wild abandon is for dive bars and tequila shots something we don’t condone. (We save wild abandon for butter.)

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Bill Mann, the general manager of Qui in Austin, Texas, agrees that overindulging is a problem—and offers a potential explanation: “Cocktails are more popular than ever these days—and, frankly, more delicious,” he says. “But starting your meal with six ounces of liquor and finishing with two bottles of wine will get anyone drunk.” Mann acknowledges it’s a two-way street: “Our responsibility, as a restaurant, is not to over-serve,” he says, adding that it often happens at the bar, before the server is even aware there’s a problem. But the brunt of the responsibility is on the diner: “No one sets out to get drunk,” Mann says (and we hope). “But have self-awareness. Order a low-alcohol cocktail to start, like Campari and soda instead of a negroni. And maybe work with a buddy system.”

You Should Be Ashamed of Your Gluten Allergy

If you have a food allergy, sensitivity, and or straight-up dislike, don’t try to cobble together a meal on your own: You’ll frustrate the staff and could wind up eating dessert in the hospital. Talk to the server and the maître d’ and disclose your restrictions entirely and rationally.

The general manager at a popular New York City restaurant, who spoke on condition of anonymity, recalls a couple who were seated and then spent over half an hour searching Instagram and online reviews to find dishes that had fish (she was pescatarian), but not shellfish (she was allergic). Not once did they ask their server for guidance. “Had this been conveyed up front,” said the GM, “we could have saved her the trouble of all the research and guided her immediately to the dishes that would make her happy.” Later in the evening, the couple rejected a plate of petits fours on account of a severe nut allergy. Again: Speaking with human beings is not such a bad idea.

All Babies Love Eight-Course Tasting Menus

Are babies allowed in restaurants? Sure (unless they’re not)! But you’ll make things a lot easier on yourself—and on the restaurant—if you first consider whether your kid can handle the joint. Place a courtesy call (yup, more human contact) before rolling up with the stroller.

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“Kids are absolutely allowed here,” Mann says, adding that Qui offers only a tasting menu—which toddlers might not be so stoked on. “Our [cooking] line doesn’t run as smoothly if we have to stop and make buttered noodles,” he says. But giving the restaurant a heads-up lets them adapt to some degree: Mann recalls a rabbit-themed tasting menu that included rabbit “chicken nuggets” for small diners.

Also—and we really shouldn’t have to tell you this—don’t change your baby’s diaper at the table, like this woman in Texas, okay?

Let’s Close This Place Down!

Good restaurants won’t rush you through your meal. But that doesn’t mean you should treat the dining room like your living room. By all means, linger. Enjoy that last glass of wine, that dessert, that coffee, that tawny port. Just don’t wear out your welcome: “If you’re just sitting there for an hour after finishing your meal—without ordering anything—it creates a problem,” says Winterman.

Some restaurants are lucky enough to have a parlor or bar area where those reluctant to leave can prolong the evening, but many just don’t have the space. Be smart, check your surroundings: If there’s a bottleneck at the host or hostess’s stand, if your server is dropping hints, or if it’s 1:30 a.m. (uh, it’s late), consider taking your party on the road.

Tuesdays Are for Schmucks

Sure, there’s a certain glamour to eating out on the weekend (and it sure makes that second cocktail easier to order; see #4). But here’s the thing: Everybody else is doing the same thing, and you’re much more likely to deal with a big crowd, slammed service, and a decibel level that will match the figure on your check.

That’s precisely why Mann thinks the prime night to dine out is on Monday or Tuesday: “You have the best experience, the shortest wait, and the most attention early in the week,” he explains. “If there’s a restaurant you’re really excited about trying, you’ll have the best opportunity to geek out if you don’t go on its busiest night. The restaurant will be able to actually take care of you—which is all it wants to do.”

Now that you know what not to do, test out your restaurant-savvy at one of our Best Restaurants in America Nominees.