Best imitation of a cannibal
Uruguay’s Luis Suarez got suspended for taking a chomp out of Italy defender Giorgio Chiellini’s shoulder, so he won’t win the World Cup, or even the Copa America. But he’ll win this award. Somehow the referee didn’t see Suarez’s vampire act — Dracula? Lestat? — but the rest of the civilized world did, the attack spawning Internet memes and drawing a four-month ban and $112,000 fine.
It’s been confirmed Suarez — who has been banned twice in the past for biting opponents and used racial slurs — will miss the start of the upcoming EPL season for Liverpool, and the next nine games for Uruguay. There’s no confirmation he’ll be appearing as a wildling on “Game of Thrones” or vampire on “Penny Dreadful.”
Best goal using a head
Robin van Persie’s header sparked the Netherlands to a 5-1 rout of Spain. After Holland fell behind the defending champs, the Manchester United striker dove on the dead run and headed the ball from 15 yards out over the stunned goalkeeper.
Best goal using a foot
Tim Cahill’s nasty full volley off a 40-yard pass. Australia lost 3-2 to the red-hot Dutch, but the Red Bull midfielder took a long feed, never let it touch the ground and blasted it off the crossbar and in.
Best dribble
Ivory Coast’s Gervinho had better dribbling than an AND1 mixtape. With his team down 2-0 against Colombia, he slithered around and between two defenders — actually sending one stumbling and falling on his derriere — and scored to cut the lead in half.
Best goal using abs
Clint Dempsey has scored a host of goals, but he probably hasn’t scored many bigger — or odder. After the U.S. fell behind Portugal, Jermaine Jones equalized and then Dempsey took a short cross from Graham Zusi and bundled it home with his stomach to give them a lead, albeit short-lived.
Best imitation of a reality show drama
Ghana’s Kevin-Prince Boateng and Sulley Muntari got suspended and sent home like kids getting sent to bed without supper. They missed Thursday’s game vs. Portugal after the Ghana Football Association said Boateng insulted coach Kwesi Appiah and Muntari attacked a member of the organization. What is this, “Basketball Wives?”
Best hair
Worst hair
Neymar may be the best young player in the world, but he’s got some of the worst hair. His next free kick should be at his barber. He’s got blonde-ish bangs with a spikey ’do worthy of a Japanese anime character. Raul Meireles’ mohawk is a close second, but Neymar gets extra points for garishness.
Closest to AARP card
Best touchline antics
Watching Mexico coach Miguel Herrera’s histrionics on the touchline have been every bit as entertaining as watching the games. His antics have prompted reams of tweets and memes on Facebook, especially his goal celebrations. After one score he even collided with Mexican defender Paul Aguilar, sprung back to his feet and leapt into a hug with keeper Guillermo Ochoa. This cat would make valium hyper.
Just plain nastiest
We can’t go with anyone other than Germany coach Joachim Loew, who regularly picks his nose on the touchline. His nickname is Jogi but Loogie might be more fitting. For anybody that doesn’t remember him picking his nose and then eating it, they got to see him pick his nose before shaking Ronaldo’s hand in the aftermath of Germany’s 4-0 rout of Portugal. That’s just doing Ronaldo dirty.
Best nickname
