TORONTO — Let’s kick things off by catching up on Pop Quiz questions.
1. From Richard Ievoli of Naples, Fla.: The 1973 film “Bang the Drum Slowly” features footage of two active players who eventually made the Hall of Fame. Name the two players.
2. From Rich Rini of Latham, NY: Which “Gilligan’s Island” cast member plays a college baseball player in the 1949 film “It Happens Every Spring”?
3. From Sal Buono of Riverview, Fla.: Name the future Hall of Fame manager who played himself in a 1963 episode of “The Beverly Hillbillies.”
The Yankees’ schedule has an interesting structure this season, one that works well concerning the topic I wanted to discuss today: Their final road series are at their four American League East neighbors. This weekend marks their last visit to Toronto, they’ll stop in Baltimore Sept. 12-14, Tampa Bay Sept. 15-17 and Boston Sept. 26-28.
That means that Derek Jeter’s last five farewell ceremonies, which he generally seems to enjoy about as much as he likes getting mentioned in Page Six, will come with the teams that should know him the best. That includes the Yankees, of course, who will honor him Sept. 7 at Yankee Stadium.
Jeter’s advance-notice retirement this year, on top of Mariano Rivera’s last year, has provided me with wisdom I never anticipated acquiring. I feel quite qualified to offer advice to the Yankees and their AL East brethren on how to bid farewell to Jeter. And really, consider this a primer for all such future cases. Before we know it, Mike Trout will be doing the retirement circuit, and soon after that, Dilson Herrera.
1. It’s about baseball and the baseball player, not tourism. I’m going to be referencing the Tigers’ ceremony Wednesday night multiple times — perhaps because it’s most recent and therefore most prominent in my brain, but definitely because their farewell featured items that struck me both quite positively and quite negatively.
On the quite positive side, the Tigers focused on Jeter’s Michigan roots: He grew up in Kalamazoo, which is about two hours west. The Tigers welcomed Jeter’s family onto the field, as well as Kalamazoo-area children who are part of Jeter’s Turn 2 Foundation. They also gave Jeter seats from the awesome, no-longer-with-us Tiger Stadium, which the Jeter family used to visit during Derek’s formative years — mostly when the Tigers played the Yankees.
So that’s great — connecting the player with the team and the area. You know what isn’t great? Giving a player cowboy boots just because you play in Texas. That’s lame. Those will be available at a deep discount at the next St. Jetersburg garage sale.
The Blue Jays seem particularly susceptible to this phenomenon. Canada’s a great country and Toronto a great city. But Jeter doesn’t need anything with a maple leaf on it.
2. Choose the bigger name over the familiar face. Most of these guys being honored are elite players. Slam-dunk Hall of Famers. Baseball gods. So you’re not really elevating the player when you invite, say, Joba Chamberlain and Phil Coke to take part — as the Tigers did — just because these two middle relievers played alongside Jeter for a few years (or, in Coke’s case, seemingly a few minutes). Shoot, I thought the Indians pushed their luck by allowing Jason Giambi and Nick Swisher to participate.
If you’re going to do the “former teammate” thing, it has to be someone very significant. Like when the Rangers invited their former closer and Rivera’s 1995-96 mentor John Wetteland to come on the field last year to salute Rivera. Otherwise? Just go with the most prominent people available. The Cardinals did this right by having Hall of Fame shortstop Ozzie Smith on hand. At least the Tigers trotted out their Hall of Famer Al Kaline to mitigate the distracting presence of Chamberlain and Coke.
Consider this a special shout-out to the Orioles: Trot out Hall of Fame shortstop Cal Ripken Jr. and Jeter’s first manager Buck Showalter (who now manages Baltimore, as you know), and everything else, as Coach Finstock says in “Teen Wolf,” is cream cheese.
3. It isn’t a roast. Idiots. This is a most specific counsel to the Red Sox, who last year decided it would be uproarious to tribute Rivera by “roasting” him, centering on his blown save in Game 4 of the 2004 American League Championship Series. Yes, they turned it into a positive, on how Rivera reacted in 2005 to the Red Sox fans’ mock cheers, but still. It didn’t work. Not even remotely respectful enough.
Rivera was a good sport about it. Rest assured, if the Red Sox try a similar tack with Jeter, if they get at all roast-y with him? He will react the same way Mr. Burns reacted when Homer roasted him in this episode of “The Simpsons.” Storm troopers will emerge and start clubbing the fans. Which would be particularly unfortunate since the Red Sox will go last in this Jeter tribute line, with the Yankees closing the season in Beantown.
4. Pony up the dough. The Tigers wrote Jeter a $5,000 check for his Turn 2 Foundation, which has done great work for nearly two decades now. Look, I’m sure $5,000 can make a real difference for the youngsters. But think about that amount relative to the behemoth that is a Major League Baseball team. The Tigers honored Jeter at 6:45 Wednesday evening. By 7:45, they probably had pulled in well more than $5,000 just in hot dog sales.
The Mets, of all teams, deserve praise here. They wrote Turn 2 a check for $22,222.22, acknowledging his uniform number. Assuming the check didn’t bounce, that’s the sort of amount that’s appropriate.
Let’s name-check the Rays, just because we haven’t yet. Just because they’re small-market and small-payroll doesn’t mean they can’t make a better Turn 2 donation than the Tigers. Shoot, just hand over $10,000 on the field and don’t do anything else and it’ll be good.
5. Meet the high standard. This is for the Yankees, who earned an A-minus for last year’s Rivera tribute. They had the right dignitaries on hand — Wetteland plus all of the key guys from the 1996-2001 dynasty. They donated a sizable $100,000 to Rivera’s foundation, and they had Metallica perform “Enter Sandman” live. They also involved Jackie Robinson’s family, with Rivera the last active player to wear Robinson’s 42.
So where were the flaws? Well, unfortunately, they allowed memorabilia schlockmeister Brandon Steiner on the field, which reeked of the unseemly marketing tie-ins. They also gave Rivera a rocking chair made of baseball bats, which would’ve been wonderful if the Twins hadn’t given Rivera the same gift, only better, months prior.
Rivera and Jeter both have been A-plus performers for the Yankees, so let’s hope the Yankees come through with the A-plus for Jeter. That means no Steiner, for crying out loud. It means if the Yankees already have customized some perfect gift for Jeter, but the Blue Jays give him the same exact gift this weekend? Tough. You snooze, you lose. Just sell the gift on eBay and have the buyer write a check to Turn 2.
Your Pop Quiz answers:
1. Brooks Robinson and Tony Perez
2. Alan Hale Jr. (the Skipper, of course)
3. Leo Durocher
If you have a tidbit that correlates baseball with popular culture, please send it to me at kdavidoff@nypost.com.