Reader Patrick J. Sweeney asks if we were aware ESPN planned to use seven on-site analysts to cover its Pirates-Dodgers telecast last night.
Roger that, Patrick. It’s about time ESPN scaled back.
But it’s not another case of ESPN’s commitment to satire-proof excess, it’s also a case of the needless, heedless eagerness to explain baseball to us until we scream, “Enough! You win! We’ll change the channel!”
Saturday’s Twins-Yankees radiocast (as if I didn’t know better) was in the first inning when John Sterling and Suzyn Waldman took us to school — nursery school. The bases were loaded, one out, a 3-0 count on Brian McCann when McCann hit a hard foul ball.
Sterling noted that Joe Girardi had given McCann the green light, with a condescending, “Good for Joe!” Waldman further explained: “That shows that Joe believes he’s going to do something good with the bat.”
Is that right? Ya mean, like hit the ball? Never knew that. I’m gonna remember that!
Second inning, Sterling said that “Sori” — Alfonso Soriano — has been in a batting slump. Again, Waldman picked it up from there, noting something as peculiar to Soriano as she had to McCann: “The Yankees are hoping he goes on one of those tears.”
“They certainly are!” Sterling piped up.
That’s enough, Alice! Almost made it through the first two innings. Time to check the inbound traffic at the Manhattan tunnels and bridges — even if I wasn’t headed in.
Perhaps I was still cranky from what I’d heard at the close of the Yankees telecast the day before.
As Twins closer Glen Perkins prepared to pitch the ninth with a 6-1 lead, Michael Kay, who seems to recite stats — any and all — as a habit-formed time-filler, read what was listed on the screen under Perkins’ name. Then he told us that Perkins “is very into advanced stats.”
Finally, Kay noted that Perkins has “only allowed one home run,” then quoted Perkins’ peculiar take on pitching: “ ‘The more I minimize home runs,’ ” he says, “ ‘the lower my ERA is going to get.’ ”
Fascinating. Surely no other pitcher in the last 100 years had thought of that. But as Kay had told us, “Perkins is very into advanced stats.”
Then, with two out, Brett Gardner batting, Ken Singleton eschewed silence to shed even more light: “There is no batter who likes to make the last out of the game.”
Goodbye, cruel world! I pointed the remote to the side of my head, then slowly squeezed the “off” button.
On Saturday, bottom of the eighth, bases loaded, one out, Yangervis Solarte hit a pop that was caught by third baseman Trevor Plouffe. Kay and Singleton, live and during a replay, observed it wasn’t easy for Plouffe. He had to scale the mound while looking straight up.
But neither noted that the batter was out, regardless, on the infield-fly rule! Well before Plouffe caught it, second base ump David Rackley’s fist was in the air!
Oh, well, ESPN last night planned to have seven analysts — but only one play-by-player — work the game. The odds of all eight missing an infield-fly rule were long.
The chances of being awake to see the final out were another matter. After all, unless the manager can pull a volunteer from the bench, “there is no batter who likes to make the last out of the game.”
Live and learn.
Popping Pop with dose of own medicine
It’s obvious by now Spurs coach Gregg Popovich intentionally perpetuates his reputation for giving curt and wise-guyish answers.
And that’s what he gave TNT rover David Aldridge after the first quarter of Game 6 of the Western Conference finals between the Spurs and Thunder on Saturday. He seemed to enjoy trying to make an awkward fool of Aldridge.
The cure: The next time TNT or ABC/ESPN throws it to a report in one of those NBA-mandated in-game chats, the reporter should say: “I’m here with Coach Popovich. Back over to you guys,” then walk away.
By the way, if the NBA Finals go seven, they’ll end late on the night of June 20! (Knicks-Lakers, in 1970, ended May 8.) Games 3, 4 and 6 are scheduled to tip after 9 p.m. ET. Thus, more than half the U.S. population will have a far better chance to watch the starts of the games than the finishes.
Saturday’s series-ender included 62 (!) 3-point shots, 19 made. Championship basketball? That’s what they call it. And to think that each team has, like, four coaches — and all with clipboards!
SNY has an ‘extra’ fine day
During a three-game weekend that ran 39 innings, SNY’s Mets telecast from Philadelphia on Saturday was 14 innings strong.
For starters, neither Gary Cohen nor Ron Darling gave the Mets’ Daniel Murphy a pass for his fundamental failures — the worst occurring in the 12th when, rather than run on a swinging strike three that bounced free, he just stood in disgust — with no one out! When Murphy batted in the 14th, Cohen re-listed his failures, no excuses spoken.
In the bottom of the eighth, SNY’s truck and Darling meshed to provide a great show-and-tell: With two out, Mets up, 4-3, Chase Utley on first and Ben Revere on third for the Phillies, Utley repeatedly gestured to Revere to take a longer lead.
Darling wisely reasoned that Utley wanted Revere to get a better shot to score on a ball that eluded the catcher. Yet, as he continued to wave Revere forward, the third-base coach seemed oblivious.
Yesterday, YES also made good TV, quickly showing tape of former Yankee and Twins starter Phil Hughes watching, then emoting from the dugout as Minnesota took the lead in the ninth.
Wishing we could find a real hero
We continue to ordain heroes based on nothing better than a wish.
Despite MLB’s and the media’s pandering insistence that David Ortiz, following his vulgar Boston Marathon slaughter speech, be embraced as warm and virtuous, at 38 he remains classless, a foul-mouthed slug given to misogynistic put-downs — last week’s aimed at Rays pitcher David Price.
But some, even if overheard in private, are forced to walk the plank. Others, operating in public, just walk away. It all depends.
John Daly, who has had past drinking and multiple marriage problems, now estimates — claiming no regrets — to have lost over $50 million gambling. Yet TV’s golf guys for years claimed that Daly’s popularity was due to his identity as “the common man.”