Five years ago, Patience Bloom, a senior editor at Harlequin — a romance novel publishing house — swore off dating for good. She was 41, single and sick of the whole dating process. But then, in an ironic twist of fate, romance found her — and she tells the tale in her new book, “Romance Is My Day Job: A Memoir of Finding Love at Last.” We sat down with the New York-based writer, now 45, to talk about finding a man you love when love is, well, your job.
So, how’d you first get into romance novels?
I started reading them in high school. Over the years, whenever I had a stressful moment, I’d take a romance novel and disappear for the weekend. They’re like candy — you always know you’re going to get a happy ending.
And you eventually became an editor for Harlequin. How did your job as a romance editor impact your dating life?
It killed my sense of romance. I knew that real dating was not like how it was in the romance books.
How so?
It felt very clinical. You had those tame getting-to-know-you conversations and you had to go through all the “rules” — first coffee, then a meal, then a second date, then a third. The characters in romance novels were more spontaneous!
Did you want the men you dated to be more like them?
Yeah — but eventually, I started to wonder if my expectations were too high from reading so many love stories. For example, I had one drink with this wildly smart science guy who reminded me of Tobey Maguire. There weren’t sparks, but we talked about overpopulation, and I loved listening to his theories. Still, I didn’t see myself with him.
Why?
I think that was because romance novels skip over the mundane details and go straight for the intense chemistry — so I felt I needed to be crazy about someone to marry him. So I kept searching. . . and then, when I was 41, I decided to give up on dating entirely.
Of course, that’s when your husband Sam found you. How did that happen?
We went to high school together, but I barely talked to him. Then, in August 2009, just a couple months after I gave up dating, Sam sent me a random Facebook message after I showed up in his “suggested friends” list. I thought, “Oh, he’s probably desperate, psycho or really bored,” but I responded anyway — I was curious. We started messaging back and forth, and I enjoyed talking to him — and it actually started to become something! I realized, “Oh, maybe I’ve got it all wrong.” And I did. Soon, I began to feel like one of the heroines in my romance novels. I felt giddy — I’d certainly gone through a lot of junk before I could have my moment.
Any advice for older single women who haven’t had their moments yet?
Stay positive about who you are no matter what your dating circumstances are — no one likes a big whiner. Also, try to avoid online stalking. It’s so tempting, but the most successful dating experiences happen when you know what you want and you’re focused on living your life, not on finding out every aspect of his.