If there’s any city in desperate need of a good detox, it’s Miami.
The first step to recovery is admitting the problem, however. And luckily, the Magic City’s self-aware enough to devote 62 days (July 1 to Aug. 31) to “Miami Spa Month” (OK, so it’s not the best at math, either — but time moves twice as fast when you’re getting massaged, no?), already in progress.
This summer spas across Miami are wooing residents and visitors alike with their rubbing and their stone-heating and their aromatherapizing, all for as low as $99.
See? You feel better already.
Some three dozen spas are participating, so it’ll be easy to find the right pair (or more?) of hands right for you. Here’s a small sampling of what’s being offered on South Beach.
The Betsy Wellness Garden and Spa
1440 Ocean Drive, Miami Beach
Miami’s “only literary hotel” has found a way to make you feel even smarter just by laying on a massage table.
The treatments echo profound thinkers, like the Inner-Wellbeing — think massage crystals and energy oils for 70 minutes ($99) — which call to mind Aristotle’s “the energy of the mind is the essence of life” sentiment.
You can also indulge in the 80-minute Betsy Moment of Gold, a deep-tissue massage with good-smelling oils from Tracy Mourning’s Honey plus a 99-percent-pure nano-gold collagen facial mask ($129).
Or partake in the Girl From Ipanema: a $99 skin restoration treatment employing açaí berries, macadamia nuts, passion fruit oils and organic cupuaçu butter and other Amazonian goodies to help. (You’ve seen those supermodels in those World Cup commercials, yes?)
Bonus: all the treatments go down up on the rooftop deck, making Betsy’s Wellness Garden the city’s only fully outdoor spa.
Lapis, the Spa at Fontainebleau
4441 Collins Ave., Miami Beach
Speaking of smart people saying smart things, Neo-baroque architect Morris Lapidus wrote, “If you create a stage and it is grand, everyone who enters will play their part.” Yadda, yadda, he goes on to design the Fontainebleau.
Today, the hotel is still living up to its proud papa’s words, offering up a grand stage of $99 treatments (all regularly priced between $140 and $155) for Miami Spa Month.
Your part to play? Melting into a big pile of relax sauce for a C-note.
Here are six options:
The Swedish Rub Down massage, which summons the Nordic gods of pleasure-through-pain to relieve tension and improve circulation.
Aroma Stone Therapy, where Basalt lava stones roll over your sore muscles like so many boulders from “Indiana Jones.”
A Bamboo Fusion massage introduces said stalks to contracted muscles — and they get along swimmingly.
And for all you almost-moms out their, the Mommy’s Bliss — designed for women whose bun has been sitting in that oven from six months to the “any day now” stage.
For skin treatments, there’s the Pore Perfecting facial, for all those with less-than-perfect skin who’ve given up on Proactiv, and Refuel, which is basically the same thing, but for guys. (Hello, Adam Levine?)
If you bring along with a plus-one, you’re going to want to ask for the Heaven for Two treatment, which ratchets up the sensuality, while ratcheting down the cost.The 50-minute Couple’s Swedish massage is typically $320, but is now just $258.