TV

How the ‘Housewives’ franchise spiraled into dullsville

I am a “Real Housewives” addict. Or, I should say, I used to be one.

It seems like only yesterday I would giddily hunker down in my apartment, crossed-legged on the couch with some Skinnygirl margs, ready to indulge in the latest season of the “Housewives” franchise: Orange County, New York, Beverly Hills, Atlanta, New Jersey — when I was really bored, Miami — and, yes, DC, too.

Lisa Vanderpump of “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,” with her furry sidekick Giggy.Bravo

Nene Leakes, Carole Radziwill, Lisa Vanderpump, even Jill Zarin for a hot sec — these girls were my FRIENDS.

One time, I tweeted at Carole (first-name basis, obvs) about the gold lamé shirt she wore on the show and she tweeted back at me that it was Moschino. Made.my.week.

But slowly, my “Housewives” began to grate on me. The sane ones became crazy. The crazy ones became boring. The boring ones became desperate. And the desperate ones became criminals.

I grew bored. I started watching the show while reading emails or stalking friends of friends’ weddings on Instagram. Eventually, when all the screaming just became too much — usually about 25 minutes in — I’d just turn the TV off.

We all know that reality TV is 90 percent scripted. And the “Real Housewives” franchise has never sold itself as anything more than a real-ish soap opera with rich-ish people.

But that 10 percent of wonderful realness — the time OC’s Vicky Gunvalson peed on Tamara Judge’s bed or NY’s Countess LuAnn de Lesseps slept with a pirate in St. Barts or New Jersey’s Teresa flipped the table — was enough to keep me hooked.

The problem? For every glorious table toss in days of yore, there exists its lackluster contemporary.

Take New York “Housewife” Aviva Drescher’s season-ending prosthetic-leg toss. It felt like nothing more than a contrived attempt to increase controversy and gain airtime. You can bet she and the producers had been planning that moment since the day she was cast.

And that’s basically the issue with all current “Housewives” shows — they’re too strained, forced and labored. Even my once-favorite, Radziwill, has taken to traipsing through the woods on-air in full-on silk get-ups like a post-menopausal Carrie Bradshaw. We get it. You are “Sex and the City.”

The “Real Housewives” have lost their spontaneity and zest. The newbies know that the way to stay on the series — and land those hefty Bravo paychecks/cookbook deals — is to be controversial. So they go over the top and start fights about the most trivial of matters.

Vicki Gunvalson has been a prominent fixture on “The Real Housewives of Orange County” for nine seasons.Bravo

The old-timers know that the way not to get a bad rep on the blogosphere is to stay out of these fights.

What results is a show with a lot of fighting about nothing and a bunch of guarded, middle-aged women who just want to hawk their books and brands and get out, scratch-free.

Where’s the fire? Where’s the fun? This season, new OC “Housewife” Shannon Beador has been a welcome breath of fresh air. She drinks, she fights, she laughs — like a real person. Yeah, she’s a little insane at times. But that’s what makes her interesting. And people can relate to her genuine marriage troubles — which she’s chosen, for some reason, to air nationally.

There were rumors that Bravo was ready to phase out its “Real Housewives” franchise and focus on scripted fare.

Despite a few signs of fresh life, I would say — with regret, sadness, and a huge hole in my TV watching schedule — that the time has come to pull the plug.