John Crudele

John Crudele

Business

The Top 10 excuses for the lack of US GDP growth

Today I’m going to play David Letterman’s game — a fun list about a very unfunny subject.

On Wednesday the Commerce Department will tell us how much our nation’s economy grew in the second three-month period of 2014. Remember, the economy contracted during the first three-month quarter and everyone blamed the bad winter weather.

Brrrr! How could anyone do business or buy anything when it was so cold!? That was the perfect excuse for all the experts who have been overly optimist about the economy for the past seven years and had guessed wrong again.

The second quarter of 2014 — the one we’ll get a reading on tomorrow for the first time — was supposed to be a stellar one with growth that would more than make up for what the winter weather stole from us earlier in the year.

The second quarter, in fact, would be a blockbuster, the pundits were saying just a couple of months ago. Well, that’s not what they are saying now. These days economic forecasters are predicting that second-quarter US growth will be a mediocre 3 percent — which would barely make up for the ground lost in the January through March period.

And there’s a good chance tomorrow’s number will be worse than expected — maybe a lot worse. So today I’m going to do these wayward pundits a favor by coming up with 10 excuses they can use if GDP tomorrow shows less than 3 percent growth or — heaven forbid — even contracts.

Thank you, Mr. Letterman and Casey Kasem — my list will also be a countdown. I’d also like to thank God, who made the first top 10 list — the one about sins.

Here are the Top 10 excuses:

#10: Second quarter GDP growth was disappointing because everyone was watching World Cup soccer.

#9: It was disappointing because the weather was too good. Everybody wanted to stay outdoors and nobody went into stores.

#8: It was disappointing because the Obamas didn’t spend as much taxpayer money on vacations this spring.

#7: It was disappointing because Americans miss Ben Bernanke so gosh darned much.

#6: It was disappointing because shoppers are holding back until the Black Friday sales.

#5: It was disappointing because candidates for election to Congress are collecting so much in campaign donations that nobody has any money left to spend.

#4: It was disappointing because someone forgot to count the $12 worth of goods people purchased using bitcoin.

#3: It was disappointing because everyone is anxiously awaiting Apple’s introduction of the new iPhone 6.

#2: It was disappointing because people spent all their money on Hillary Clinton’s new book.

#1: But the real reason the GDP didn’t have a blowout second quarter was (and you’ll get a kick out of this one) the economy just plain sucks.

Thank you. My guests today are the Federal Reserve governors who are meeting this week and will come up with a bunch of excuses of their own. Fed chief Janet Yellen will also give us the same old song and dance.


It’s going to be an exciting week for Commerce Department Inspector General Todd Zinser.

And it could also very well be one of his last.

Zinser has been in trouble with Congress for a long time. This part hasn’t come out publicly yet but the House Oversight Committee was particularly peeved that Zinser whitewashed an investigation in the Census Bureau’s fabrication of economic data.

Last week another House committee ripped Zinser to shreds over his hiring of friends and his treatment of government whistleblowers.

And that committee asked Zinser to turn over a copy of his résumé and other documents by this week, which — presumably — will now be checked for inaccuracies. Since Zinser was a Bush Administration appointee, the harsh 105-page letter he got last week was signed by House Democrats as well as Republicans.

If Zinser departs, hopefully there will be a fuller look into Census’ data manipulation.