I’m POOPED.
I work long hours, routinely order in pizza, nag the husband, and crash in front of the TV. Like many women who once longed for a berth amid the rat race — gals who’ve plotted to win high-power jobs, professional respect and the right to dig themselves early graves — I wouldn’t trade my life for anyone else’s.
But I can dream.
Wouldn’t it be a blast to stay home in a bathrobe instead of dodging smelly vagrants on the subway? I’d like to run with the kid in the park rather than pay someone to do it for me. I fantasize about finding the time to cook osso buco — if I could just figure out how the devil to work the oven.
Kirsten Dunst is my new hero. Or should I say heroine?
The actress — who appeared in three “Spider-Man” movies, is promoting her upcoming film, “The Two Faces of January,’’ enjoys the company of a man and looks pretty darn good doing these things — was attacked by angry feminists (or is that term redundant?) for speaking the truth about heterosexual women and family values. I’ll let her do the talking:
“I feel like the feminine has been a little undervalued,” Dunst, 31, said in an interview for next month’s Harper’s Bazaar UK.
“We all have to get our own jobs and make our own money, but staying at home, nurturing, being the mother, cooking — it’s a valuable thing my mom created.”
“And sometimes, you need your knight in shining armor. You need a man to be a man and a woman to be a woman. That’s why relationships work.”
The sisterhood went psychotic.
In a piece on the Jezebel Web site obscenely headlined “Kirsten Dunst Thinks Ladies in Relationships Should Wife the [Expletive] Out,” writer Erin Gloria Ryan came off as more sexist than a Miller Lite commercial, calling Dunst an “actress and blonde who looks good in clothes.”
“Kirsten Dunst is not paid to write gender theory, so it shouldn’t surprise anyone that she’s kind of dumb about it,’’ wrote Ryan, who evidently considers herself an expert on gender theory.
Writing for Uproxx, Stacey Ritzen called Dunst “an insufferable person.”
“So I guess my marriage is doomed to fail because I don’t have kids and write d- -k jokes for a living and my husband is more of a cat person than a dog person,” Ritzen concluded. “THANKS, KIRSTEN DUNST.”
But Fox News host Greg Gutfeld took aim at the harpies, writing on FoxNews.com that even “oxygen angers” some feminists.
“See, to them it’s dumb not to see relationships through the prism of anger, that love is really about power and ideology that forbids traditional old-fashioned gender roles,’’ he wrote. “So why not marry yourself instead? You never need to get out of sweat pants.’’
Dunst, who dates actor Garrett Hedlund, 29, whom she met filming 2012’s “On the Road,” never said all women should be barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen. She did say that traditional women’s labor was “undervalued.” And that sometimes, a lady craves the company of a he-man.
Silly me. I thought feminism was about fighting for the rights of women to make choices — even if one woman’s choice is to step off the fast lane with a hot guy.
In the newly released issue of W Magazine, Dunst was asked by the mag’s guest editor, filmmaker Sofia Coppola, if she was ever hit on sexually by a director.
Dunst laughed.
“I don’t give off that vibe,’’ she said. “I think that you court that stuff, and to me it’s crossing a boundary that would hinder the trust in your working relationship.’’
(Uproxx’s Ritzen called the words “dumb-ish.”) I find it refreshing when a woman refuses to play the victim.
Betting on the Clinton name game
Will the happy couple go modern or traditional? Johnny Avello, executive director of race and sports operations at the Wynn Las Vegas hotel, picked every major winner of this year’s Oscars. Can he guess the name and sex of the baby expected by Chelsea Clinton, 34, and her 36-year-old investment-banker hubby, Marc Mezvinsky? (This is for fun. No bets will be taken.)
Avello’s top pick, at 12-to-1 odds, is the popular female name Emma. It also was the middle name of Chelsea’s late grandmother, Dorothy Rodham, the mother of her mom, ex-Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton. The name Dorothy gets 40-to-1 odds.
Choice No. 2 is James, at 14-to-1 odds, followed by Jefferson, the middle name of Chelsea’s father, former President Bill Clinton, at 18-to-1.
The first name of Bill’s late mom, Virginia, gets 25-to-1 odds, and her last name, Kelley, gets 35-to-1. The name of Marc’s mom, Marjorie, gets 45-to-1 odds, and his dad’s name, Edward, is 150-to-1. Other possibilities include Bill’s official name, William, at 85-to-1 odds; Leo, 22-to-1; and Madison, 65-to-1. In last place, at 200-to-1 odds, is Hugh, the name of Hillary’s brother and late father.
Avello did not put the name Hillary on the list. It’s also not known if the child will be raised Methodist, like Chelsea, or Jewish, like Marc. (Ashkenzi Jews usually don’t name their kids after living people, but Sephardic ones do.) Finally, Avello gave a slight edge to the child being a boy — 5-to-6 odds.
He gave even odds to the baby being a girl.
I can hardly wait!
Linz sleeps beneath the stars
Troubled actress Lindsay Lohan confessed that the infamous handwritten list of her sexual conquests — from Ashton Kutcher to Zac Efron, from Justin Timberlake to the late Heath Ledger — was real.
LiLo, 27, told Andy Cohen on Bravo TV’s “Watch What Happens Live” that she compiled the list of three dozen A-list men for the fifth step of her alcoholism treatment at the Betty Ford Center, in which recovering substance abusers admit their past wrongs to God, to themselves and to others.
In the season finale of the low-rated “Lindsay’’ reality TV show on Oprah Winfrey’s OWN network, Linz said it was “humiliating’’ and “just mean’’ that someone released the list to the media.
OWN isn’t renewing “Lindsay’’ for a second season, the Daily Mail newspaper reported.
All that drama for nothing.
@queezy rider takes a toll
Cab driver Rodolfo Sanchez, 69, of Queens is accused of “piggybacking’’ — driving close to cars in front of him, then squeezing through toll booths before barriers came down.
Sanchez drove free of charge more than 3,000 times over the RFK Bridge and took 1,000 free trips through the Holland Tunnel, said Queens DA Richard Brown, and allegedly stole more than $28,000 in tolls before being arrested.
I hate tolls, too. But was this one-man Robin Hood act worth it?