Sometimes, I would like to shake Keith Hernandez’s hand.
Other times, I would just like to shake him.
In less than one full inning Sunday, Hernandez won a Kewpie doll — then ripped off its head.
In the bottom of the fifth, with Jon Niese shutting out the Marlins on SNY, a graphic — loaded with the latest in context-barren statistical, historical nonsense — appeared.
Niese, as Gary Cohen eagerly recited, is among the Mets’ all-time leaders in consecutive starts “allowing three earned runs or fewer.” Others on the list included Jerry Koosman, Dwight Gooden and, three times, Tom Seaver.
At that point, Hernandez came to our rescue. Once upon a time, he said, starters were expected to pitch “seven, eight, nine innings,” as opposed to today, “when they go five, six, seven, max.”
Thus, comparing or even listing Seaver’s low-ERA starts to Niese’s was like wondering why Cy Young never won the Cy Young Award. For the record, Gooden pitched 68 complete games, Koosman pitched 140, Seaver 231. Niese, in his seventh season, has three.
Bless his heart, Hernandez gave us a lift home from the Idiots’ Picnic.
But in the next half inning, he went from enlightened analyst to schoolyard bully Nelson “Ha-Ha!” Muntz. SNY presented a photo of Padres pitcher Alex Torres from the night before, wearing a cap that bulged at its sides from a protective liner.
Yes, Torres looked odd. Yet, clearly, if he were determined to diminish the chances of a fractured skull or brain injury from a line drive to the side of his head, his head, if not his cap, was on straight.
Well, Hernandez took a macho, style-over-function stance, mocking Torres for looking “absurd.” (The same was heard when batting helmets arrived, then grew larger until they included earflaps and would be worn by base coaches.)
He wasn’t done. He suggested Torres and anyone who would wear such a thing is a coward: “If you’re scared, get a dog.”
Ugh! Either Hernandez was unaware of the dozens of annual, all-levels episodes that have pitchers rushed to hospitals — some with permanent neurological damage — or such episodes have not yet left an impression on him.
In Torres’ case, last year with the Rays, he replaced Alex Cobb after Cobb was nailed in the head with a line drive. After Saturday’s game, Torres recalled he still could hear the crack against Cobb’s head — and Torres was in the bullpen. “I’m glad he’s alive.”
Cobb, depending on how one looks at it, was lucky — he was out just two months.
Good Keith, bad Keith. For better and worse, he keeps both in the game.
Yankees become running jokes
Even post-Robinson Cano, the Yankees continue to come up a base short. Wednesday in Toronto, in the top of the seventh, up 4-3 with none out, Brett Gardner was on second, Derek Jeter on first. A wild pitch to the backstop caroms back to the catcher, on the third base side. Still, Gardner takes third, no throw.
YES’ Michael Kay: “Gardner will go to third. It bounded back to [Dioner] Navarro, so Jeter will stay put.” Huh? If Gardner made third, Jeter belonged on second, no?
John Flaherty: “Derek Jeter still on first. Not quite sure why he didn’t advance.”
The Yankees came out of the inning with only one run.
Everyone gets a trophy: Nationals closer Rafael Soriano on Saturday, protecting a 3-0 lead, struck out all three Braves he faced in the ninth.
The same day, Pirates closer Mark Melancon began the ninth with a 2-0 lead versus the Cubs. He allowed two hits and an earned run. On Tuesday, Melancon, with the Pirates up three, pitched the ninth versus the Rays. He allowed three hits, two earned runs.
But because the same value is applied to all saves, Soriano got one, Melancon got two!
Quality control: As a common-sense rule, closed captioning for the deaf and hearing-impaired during golf appears at the top, to prevent transcriptions from covering the ball. But not during NBC’s Women’s US Open coverage!
Reader Kevin Cox didn’t know who won Tuesday night’s Yankees-Blue Jays game, so later that night he stuck with YES’ “Encore” presentation, especially after the Yankees came back from down 6-0 to tie. But that’s when YES’ crawl read, “Yanks look to avoid sweep tonight vs. Jays.” Say goodnight, Kevin!
“Now,” he wrote, “I’m forced to listen to Yankee games on the radio with the volume off, and watch them on TV with the screen covered.”
Monuments men not what they used to be
No offense to Goose Gossage, Tino Martinez and Paul O’Neill — all valued, popular Yankees, yet all with extended success with other teams — but there was a time when Yankee Stadium’s Monument Park was reserved for long-term, Hall of Fame-caliber Yankees. Now it seems to add populist attractions, like a Myrtle Beach wax museum.
Infield shift, graveyard shift: Yankees-Red Sox this weekend, three games in late June, are all night games, including an 8:10 Sunday job for ESPN dough.
Think Bud Selig would buy tickets to a Sunday game from which he would arrive home Monday morning?
Everything-must-go sale: Four times during Sunday’s Orioles-Yankees game, the bases were removed, then replaced. Guess that’s the difference between the “steal sign” and the “take sign.”
Much of this town’s sports media have overestimated the popularity and value of Carmelo Anthony.
During his 3 ½ seasons here, which Knicks team did he help make better?
Just as he appeared headed to call football on ESPN’s SEC Network, veteran Tim Brando, recently estranged from CBS, will call college football and basketball for FOX and FOX Sports 1. Good get.
Although it made little news and noise, Kevin Streelman won last weekend’s PGA event by birdieing the last seven holes. Sensational! Had Tiger Woods done that, the media still would be gushing that it’s among all sports’ greatest accomplishments!
It seems Mets catcher Travis d’Arnaud doesn’t know how to pronounce his name. Mike Francesa, who corrects callers’ pronunciations, says “Dunno,” not “Dar-no.” Hey, if that’s how King Mike the Wise pronounces it, then that it must be, that it shall be!