A long-divorced couple plots a jewel heist on the French Riviera in “The Love Punch’’ — which manages to be excruciatingly unfunny despite the presence of Pierce Brosnan and Emma Thompson in the lead roles.
As he so often does these days, Brosnan plays a high-powered businessman — who somehow doesn’t discover until after he’s sold the company he founded that his longtime former employees will lose their pensions, and he will be penniless as well.
Though the Brosnan character has been divorced from Thompson’s for years while he pursues younger women, her finances are still tied to his.
And this seemingly sensible woman instantly agrees to participate in a crazy plot to replenish everyone’s pensions by stealing a $10 million diamond necklace and fencing it (which would barely seem to cover his needs, but this is not a film where you want to be thinking about plausibility).
The targeted necklace belongs to the French swindler (Laurent Lafitte) who bought Brosnan’s company, purchased at auction for the beautiful fiancée (Louise Bourgoin) the swindler plans to marry at an elaborate ceremony in Cannes.
Though they’re no better qualified to steal jewelry than Brosnan or Thompson, their Brit pals Celia Imrie and Timothy Spall — who are required to pose as American tourists for the ruse — join in the conspiracy.
Thompson’s character, who is a child psychologist, manages to instantly ingratiate herself to the fiancée so they can they substitute a fake necklace for the genuine item.
Writer-director Joel Hopkins, who was more successful with the Thompson-Dustin Hofman middle-aged romance “Last Chance Harvey,’’ just can’t make this creaky premise work.
Hopkins has thrown in references to “To Catch a Thief,’’ “The Pink Panther,’’ “The Italian Job,’’ “Reservoir Dogs,’’ and even Brosnan’s old James Bond movies — all of which remind you just how just how threadbare this latest caper is.There are also lots of tired gags about prostates and aching backs.
The veteran cast Hopkins encourages to mug their way through the cringeworthy “The Love Punch’’ deserves better.