Don’t have 288 hours to devote to ‘The Simpsons’ marathon? Check out this breakdown of when to catch the best episodes and funniest guest stars.
A 12-day marathon of nonstop “Simpsons”? Just hook it to my veins!
Running Thursday, Aug. 21 through Monday, Sept. 1, FXX is airing all 552 episodes from 25 seasons of the groundbreaking Fox animated sitcom, including the 2007 movie, back to back, all day long. It’s the longest marathon ever on television.
But is watching more than 200 hours worth of TV unpossible? Probably, and you’d have to seriously embiggen your DVR memory to catch it all. Luckily, you’ve got our expert guide to the marathon so you can make sure you catch all the best bits.
Most sarcastic Comic Book Guy zinger
Episode: “Marge Be Not Proud” from Season 7 (airing Sunday, Aug. 24, at 7 a.m.)
Comic Book Guy dispenses sarcasm and nerdy put-downs very much like … well, like a real guy who works at a comic book shop. His finest barb comes at Bart’s expense, when he tells the confused boy, seeking to buy a video game for $1: “Oh please, take my $59, I don’t want it.”
Best Homer line about beer
Episode: “Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment” from Season 8 (airing Sunday, Aug. 24, at 11 p.m.)
“Here’s to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems!”
Best Krusty-branded product
Episode: “ ‘Round Springfield” from Season 6 (airing Sunday, Aug. 24, at 12 a.m.)
Endorsing a box of Krusty O’s with a “free jagged-metal O” in every box may not have been the wisest choice. But Krusty Brand Imitation Gruel wasn’t much better.
Best song
Episode: “Two Dozen and One Greyhounds” from Season 6 (airing Saturday, Aug. 23, at 11 p.m.)
The Disney-catchy “See My Vest” puts Cruella de Vil to shame, as Mr. Burns croons such lyrics such as: “See my vest, see my vest/Made from real gorilla chest/Feel this sweater/There’s no better/Than authentic Irish setter.”
Best appearance of Dr. Nick
Episode: “22 Short Films About Springfield” from Season 7 (airing Sunday, Aug. 24, at 12 p.m.)
Springfield’s favorite graduate of Hollywood Upstairs Medical College gives us a full dose of hilarious quackery, diagnosing Grandpa with a case of “bonus eruptus.”
Patty and Selma dig at Homer
Episode: “Homer vs. Patty and Selma” from Season 6 (airing Saturday, Aug. 23, at 9:30 p.m.)
“Hmm … am I wrong, or did it just get FATTER in here?” Close runner-up: In the same episode, the ladies ask their sister Marge, “When are you going to wake up and smell your husband?”
Sweetest Maggie moment
Episode: “Lisa’s First Word” from Season 4 (airing Friday, Aug. 22, at 8 p.m.)
Showrunners cast Elizabeth Taylor to give Homer and Marge’s youngest — famously mute baby Maggie — her first word. It’s also a touching moment: unlike her siblings’, her first word is “Daddy.”
Most New York City episode
Episode: “The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson” from Season 9 (airing Monday, Aug. 25, at 3 a.m.)
Homer’s car is illegally parked between the Twin Towers, which is why this episode was pulled from syndication for a few years after the Sept. 11 attacks. It started airing again around 2004.
Best Moe response
Episode: “Homer the Smithers” from Season 7 (airing Sunday, Aug. 24, at 10 a.m.)
Moe the bartender got suckered by too many Bart prank calls. But when Mr. Burns calls the bar by accident, Moe’s got the perfect rebuttal all cued up: “I’m gonna use your tongue to paint my boat.”
Best Conan O’Brien contribution
Episode: “Marge vs. the Monorail” from Season 4 (airing Friday, Aug. 22, at 9 p.m.)
Then-unknown Conan O’Brien wrote three episodes and produced a bunch more that helped defined the golden era of the series. The highlight is this episode’s “The Monorail Song” — a parody of show tunes from “The Music Man,” in which a huckster sells Springfield on a shoddy transportation option.
If you only watch three episodes…
1. Friday, Aug. 22, at 11:30 a.m.: “Homer at the Bat”
Possibly the most impressive arrangement of Major League Baseball players in an animated show of all time, this Season 3 winner stars Darryl Strawberry, Don Mattingly, Wade Boggs, Jose Canseco, Roger Clemens, Ken Griffey Jr., Ozzie Smith, Mike Scioscia and Steve Sax as themselves, whom Mr. Burns hires as ringers for the company softball game. If you’ve never seen Wade Boggs and Barney arguing over who was the greatest English prime minister, you haven’t lived.
2. Sunday, Aug. 24, at 11 a.m.: “A Fish Called Selma”
Phil Hartman, you were taken from us too soon. In this classic from Season 7, Hartman’s Troy McClure marries Selma just to help his acting career. It works, and we were bestowed a gift from the comedy gods called the “Stop the Planet of the Apes, I Want to Get Off!” musical, featuring the “Amadeus”-aping song “Dr. Zaius.”
3. Sunday, Aug. 24, at 3 p.m.: “You Only Move Twice”
The apex of all things “Simpsons” that ever was and ever will be, this Season 8 episode marks the great Albert Brooks’ final appearance on the show (though he did return for the 2007 movie). He plays Hank Scorpio, Homer’s new boss, who’s half Richard Branson and half Bond villain. Hop in a hammock and take it all in.
Awesome guest stars
Michael Jackson
The King of Pop went uncredited in this episode, but it is indeed him voicing “Michael Jackson”, a k a an obese mental patient who thinks he’s Michael Jackson. (“Stark Raving Dad” from Season 3, airing Friday, Aug. 22, at 3:30 a.m.)
The cast of “Cheers”
When Homer gets banned from Moe’s, he scours Springfield for a new watering hole, including one where everybody knows your name. Ted Danson, Woody Harrelson, Rhea Perlman, John Ratzenberger and George Wendt lend their voices for this mini “Cheers” reunion. (“Fear of Flying” from Season 6, airing Saturday, Aug. 23, at 6:30 p.m.)
Dustin Hoffman
The actor plays Mr. Bergstrom, a liberal, artistic substitute teacher whom Lisa crushes on. (“Lisa’s Substitute” from Season 2, airing Friday, Aug. 22, at 1:30 a.m.)
Patrick Stewart
The esteemed thespian brings gravitas to the role of the head of the Stonecutters secret society, which, after Homer ruins everything, is redubbed the No Homers Society. (“Homer the Great” from Season 6, airing Saturday, Aug. 23, at 7 p.m.)
Aisha Tyler’s favorite episode
“ ‘Treehouse of Horror V’ has a brilliant combination of big laughs and delicate irony — such as when Homer rejects an alternate reality where he believes donuts don’t exist, time-traveling away just moments before donuts start raining from the sky,” says the comedian, who voices Lana on the animated series “Archer.” “Plus Maggie gets to try on James Earl Jones’ voice, then axes Groundskeeper Willie.” (From Season 6; airing Saturday, Aug. 23, at 4 p.m.)
Werid Al Yankovic’s Favorite Episode
“ ‘Three Gays of the Condo’ is one of my favorites because the jokes are hilarious, the story line is engaging, and I’m in it,” says the song-parodist. “I have the honor of serenading Marge in an effort to get her to reconcile with her husband.” (From Season 14; airing Wednesday, Aug. 27, at 7:30 p.m.)
Eugene Mirman’s Favorite Quote
“Don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos,” from “Treehouse of Horror VII.”
“That was the first [example of an] adult mainstream cartoon having something that was just clever politically,” says the voice of Gene on “Bob’s Burgers.” (From Season 8; airing Sunday, Aug. 24, at 2:30 p.m.)