It goes without saying that viewers don’t expect the Golden Globe awards to display any decorum. After all, this is a show where Jack Nicholson once famously mooned the audience from the stage and Christine Lahti was once caught in the ladies’ room when her name was announced from the podium.
Still, something seemed to be off with the winners AND the presenters on tonight’s show.
We know actors get nervous, but who can account for all the rambling speeches?
Starting from the top…
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1. Jacqueline Bisset's acceptance speech/nervous breakdown
Bisset received her fifth Golden Globe nod for her performance in the Starz miniseries “Dancing on the Edge” for Best Supporting Actress in a TV series, miniseries or TV movie.
When she was named the winner, her hand went to her mouth. By the time she reached the stage, she still hadn’t absorbed the shock.
After several minutes of staring at the crowd, Bisset scolded herself. “Scottish background to the front!” she exclaimed.
After one curse word, she thanked a few costars, then went off topic again, declaring, “If you want to look good, you have to forgive everybody. It’s the best beauty treatment.”
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2. Jonah Hill busts the crew
AP Photo/NBC, Paul Drinkwater Jonah Hill and Margot Robbie walked onstage to introduce the clip from their nominated film “The Wolf of Wall Street.”
When they looked into the prompter to read the prepared copy, Hill was looking at the lines for the next set of presenters. He totally busted the TelePrompTer crew for loading the wrong copy into the machine.
He took some prepared notes to tell the audience about the film.
Luckily, he had a key role in it and knew what he was talking about.
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3. Emma Thompson and her martini glass
Presenter Emma Thompson takes off her shoes during the Golden Globes and sips on a cocktail. Reuters Ricky Gervais once emceed the Golden Globes with a bottle of beer as his prop.
To present the award for Best Screenplay, Oscar winner Emma Thompson, who picked up a Screenplay Prize for “Sense and Sensibility” in 1996, came on stage barefoot, holding up her high heels and carrying her martini with her.
“As an actor, all I ever look for is a great, great screenplay,” she slurred, “and as a uh screenwriter, all I know is how difficult they are, to, get … get great. And so it is with a visceral admiration and respect that I present the nominees… well, not me, the voice of God… for best screenplay.”
Thompson did not have the envelope that contained the name of the winner.
She tossed her shoes away and handed over her drink to read the winner: Spike Jonze for “Her.”
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4. P. Diddy wants you to 'keep on drinking'
Reuters/Mario Anzuoni Sensing the waves of boredom washing over the room early in the evening, Puff Daddy told the audience, “Keep on drinking. It will be over soon,” when he came on stage to present the Best Original Score award for the evening.
The winner, Alex Ebert, was as flummoxed as Bisset when he won but at least knew the presenter.
“He came up behind me on a boat and opened my coat and said ‘Let it flow,'” Ebert said of Puff Daddy.
Well, ok, then.
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5. Bradley forgot his poker face
NBC After Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Adams won awards for “American Hustle,” Bradley Cooper must have thought he was a shoo-in for Best Supporting Actor.
When the prize went to Jared Leto in “Dallas Buyers Club,” the camera panned to Cooper, who had such a bad case of sour grapes he looked like he was throwing up in his mouth a little bit, Gracious!
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6. Amy over Meryl?
Jeff Vespa/WireImage About that Amy Adams.
How did she beat Meryl Streep?
As talents go, there is no comparison. And she wasn’t even the best part of the overrated “American Hustle.”
And we haven’t even gotten to the double win for “Brooklyn Nine Nine” yet?
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7. Andy Samberg is just as surprised as the rest of us
Reuters/Lucy Nicholson How did “Brooklyn Nine Nine” win awards for Best Comedy Series and Best Actor in a Comedy?
How many junkets with the Hollywood Foreign did Andy Samberg do?
The show is not funny, doesn’t have good ratings and Samberg gave perhaps the evening’s most honest statement on the red carpet when he said, “I didn’t know I was an actor.”
You’re not.
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8. Nothing's changed for Diane Keaton
AP Photo/NBC/Paul Drinkwater Diane Keaton gave the Cecil B. DeMille award to Woody Allen and it was interesting to see that, decades after he cast her in “Annie Hall,” she is still playing that part.
La-di-da. Can she speak a complete sentence?
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9. Elisabeth Moss flips the bird
Red carpet revenge.
Elisabeth Moss flipped the bird to the nail manicam.
Does she need this crap?
She went on to win a Golden Globe for the Sundance series “Top of the Lake.
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10. Alfonso Cuaron has herpes?
Jeff Vespa/WireImage Best Director Alfonso Cuaron telling the audience, “Sandra, I want to thank you for not quitting when you thought I have told you, I am going to give you herpes.
When I really meant to say, ‘Sandra, I am going to give you an earpiece.'”