Cher — or quite possibly a replica of the Oscar-winning actress from Madame Tussauds — mentors aspiring singer-stripper Christina Aguilera in the silly, curiously unsexy musical “Burlesque.” As Ali, an Iowa waitress with showbiz ambitions, Aguilera has quite a set of pipes — as Cher’s self-described “wise old fairy godmother” Tess hilariously puts it, “This chick doesn’t sing that way because she’s had it easy!”
Aguilera can dance like nobody’s business, but her acting debut isn’t going to keep Anne Hathaway awake at night.
Though the film clocks in at two hours, the plot is skimpier than the costumes. Perky Ali, waiting tables at LA’s Burlesque Lounge, wears down Tess, the kindly but skeptical owner, and replaces a pregnant colleague played by “Dancing With the Stars” winner Julianne Hough. Soon Ali’s big voice has enabled her to edge out the club’s resident diva (Kristen Bell), who exclaims, “She’s just a tacky farm girl from Iowa!”
By this point, Ali has unwisely become involved with the diva’s boyfriend, a developer (Eric Dane) who wants to tear down the club and replace it with a luxury high-rise.
Not that there’s a moment of doubt that Tess and her long-suffering aide-de-camp (Stanley Tucci) will keep the club, which her ex-hubby (Peter Gallagher) wants her to sell. Nor that Ali will end up with her roommate (Cam Gigandet of “Twilight”) — an aspiring songwriter.
Those looking for another “Showgirls” will be disappointed — writer-director Steve Antin avoids the seamy side of the business, and the same-sex flirtation is mostly between guys.
The choreography is roughly a cross between the costume-fetish flourishes of “Cabaret” and the writhing deployed in the movie version of “Nine,” minus the latter’s pretensions.
Though she’s absent for long periods, “Burlesque” belongs to Cher, who sings two numbers (including “You Haven’t Seen the Last of Me,” which sounds a lot like a threat) and is photographed under such heavy diffusion that when Aguilera is in the same shot, her features threaten to disappear altogether.