Have you seen “Client 9: The Rise and Fall of Eliot Spitzer”? If so, what did you think of it?— Jim, Greenwich, Conn.
No, and it’s not on my Sunday Night Movies Must-Watch List, either. I’m glad that you wrote, though, because I was asked to appear in the movie and there are reports that I was a “diva” and wanted creative control, which isn’t the truth. I did, however, think I had some right to weigh-in on the final product, and I’ll tell you why.
Basically, they wanted me to talk on camera, one-on-one, for over four hours. I’m not dumb. I know that when there’s that much footage, producers and directors can edit it down to be whatever they want it to be, and that was way too risky. Wanting to protect my image after all the damage it’s incurred is not me being a diva, it’s me having a brain and being smart.
So I had asked [director] Alex Gibney for approval rights over the final edited version that pertained to me, and he refused, telling me only to “trust him.”
Now, most people have not gone through — and I hope will never go through — the media s- -t storm I endured. But having gone through it, “trust” is not something that comes easily to me. Especially when it comes to a one-on-one interview about my life story. So I was incredibly apprehensive about participating, and in the end, decided not to. I just couldn’t trust that he wouldn’t paint me to be somebody other than who I’ve become. If Alex wanted me to “trust” him, then he should’ve put it in writing, so I’d feel comfortable.
Furthermore — and the real reason why I won’t be watching it — is that it’s been almost three years, and I’ve put it behind me. Watching it will only stir up bad memories and I don’t see the purpose in making myself upset over something I’m trying to overcome.
My fiancé and I were both laid off over a year ago. I’ve been job hunting and interviewing ever since, but my fiancé hasn’t done a thing. We live with my mother, so we don’t pay many bills, but I’m so unhappy here. I’ve tried talking to him about it, but his response is always, “I don’t know what to do.”
I feel like his mother. I shouldn’t have to force him to do anything, but it upsets me that he won’t get up and try. How do I deal with this?— Anonymous, New Jersey
There are millions of people in similar situations, so kudos to you for not letting the competition discourage your own attempt at making things right. And thank goodness you have your mother to lean on for support!
Unfortunately, though, your fiancé has got to be the one to get his act together, which is frustrating since his actions have a direct impact on you. I suspect he’s feeling defeated and depressed, and when a man feels that way, it’s tough for them to pull themselves out without help — even though, ultimately, they’re at their own mercy.
You need to give him the verbal — and physical — support to gain confidence. But keep in mind that if you “feel” like his mother, you probably sound like it, too. Tell him that you believe in him and love him. He needs gentle motivation and encouragement.
This a good test of your relationship’s endurance. You may not have walked down the aisle yet, but you’re planning to, and when you do, you’ll be asked to recite “in good times and bad.” Well, this is the latter. Can you two hack it?
Things will get better for you because you’re determined to make it so. But will it be with or without him? Don’t be afraid to let him know you’re weighing your options.