SO LET me get this straight.
If you are selfish, irresponsible, intermittently lazy and intolerably full of self-pity, Jimmy Dolan will give you a rebate.
But if you go to work every day, keep your mouth shut and pay your Cablevision bill every month, Jimmy Dolan’s got nothing for you.
No rebate, no Yankees, no answers.
Welcome to the Wonderful World of Madison Square Garden, the World’s Most Heinous Arena, where loyalty is punished, failure is rewarded and where the little guy always gets the stick in the eye.
Last weekend, Latrell Sprewell decided to party all night in South Beach the night before the Knicks were to play the Miami Heat.
He partied the way he used to play. Hard.
In fact, he partied so hard he couldn’t make the shootaround the next morning. He couldn’t have made it if it were at 3 in the afternoon. By his own account, he didn’t get up until 4.
He never called the Knicks to tell them where he was, or why he had missed practice, or at what time they could expect him for the game, or even if they should expect him.
Then, he showed up late at Miami Arena.
Don Chaney, the coach of the Knicks who gets as much respect as a substitute teacher, determined this to be more than a mere missed practice. He called it “conduct detrimental to the team,” and suspended Sprewell for the game.
With the backing of Scott Layden, the nominal GM, he docked Sprewell a day’s pay, or $125,000.
That stung Sprewell. “Unfair,” he cried. “Singling me out,” he claimed.
He ran to Jimmy Dolan.
Yesterday, Dolan took action.
He gave Sprewell back his money.
OK, not all of it. Just $122,500.
Heck, that would hardly pay for the wardrobe Luc Longley wore while sitting on the Knicks’ bench and collecting a $7 million paycheck a couple of years ago.
Dolan is still paying Longley and Muggsy Bogues. So what’s a measly hundred grand for Latrell Sprewell?
And for the fans who have had to sit through the misery of the Knicks this season, there’s more good news. No hike in ticket prices for next year.
Two hundred and fifty bucks a seat will still buy you the worst basketball in the tri-state area.
Same goes for those whiners in Cablevision country.
They want their two bucks a month back? Too bad. So what if they paid to watch Yankee games on MSG Network?
Jimmy Dolan is giving them 50 Mets games instead. Who can tell the difference?
Obviously, Dolan can’t, especially when it comes to matters of right and wrong, good and bad, value and waste.
When it comes to taking responsibility for the ineptitude of the Knicks and Rangers, Jimmy Dolan likes to plead ignorance.
Paying Allan Houston $102 million was someone else’s decision, he’ll tell you.
But giving Latrell Sprewell back his $122,500 was Jimmy Dolan’s all the way.
This is the kind of guy he is. Tough on the little guys – I wonder if Spree’s Plea for leniency would have worked on Dolan if it came out of the mouth of one of the secretaries or maintenance people who work at the Garden – but soft and squishy in the presence of what he thinks is celebrity.
Sprewell, the $64 million man who plays only when he feels like it, went crying to the boss, and the boss gave him back his money.
Now, why can’t he do the same for you?
Because he doesn’t have to, that’s why.
When Latrell Sprewell comes into his office and asks for his 100 grand back, Jimmy Dolan gives it to him. It makes him feel important.
But when little old you asks for your two bucks back, Jimmy Dolan slam dunks the door in your face.
That makes Jimmy Dolan feel like Latrell Sprewell.