5 Hamptons spots the Kardashians should avoid

Memo to all rich Hamptonites: It’s time to make a mad dash away from the East End. Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian are hitting the Hamptons for a new reality TV series called, fittingly, “Kourtney & Khloe Take The Hamptons,” which will be debuting this fall. (The premise being that they will open their own pop-up version of Dash New York in a yet-to-be-named Hampton.)

Of course, plenty of young and newly moneyed Hamptons folks will welcome them.

“All the clubs are going to want them,” one publicist, who didn’t want to step into the Kardashian storm by being named, told The Post. “Polo is going to want them.”

Indeed, some quality in the Kardashian DNA seems to attract all sorts of varied characters to them like moths to a flame.

But isn’t the Hamptons also that temple of posh privacy where people hide their homes behind huge hedges and are not only unimpressed with the likes of a Kardashian but would actively flee from a crew of cameras?

“The truth is, we don’t need it,” says Enzo Morabito, a broker with Douglas Elliman. “The Hamptons are already a scene. We went through this with Paris Hilton — she was an utter flop here.”

Their presence will draw as many yawns as any other celeb (this, after all, is the place where the Olsen twins go through Citarella sans shades). And surely, the trail of cameras will be a liability. Here are five spots we think might not be as welcoming as one might expect for the most famous E! family in America.

East Hampton Beach

AP
Not only will the throngs of beach-goers want to sunbathe without worrying about being caught on camera, the Kardashians may have a tough time just dipping their toes in the Atlantic Ocean. Private clubs won’t want a media circus, and the public Hamptons beaches can sometimes be harder to get into than a fancy restaurant. At least if you want to park there. (And we suspect that the Kardashians are not going to want to hoof it.) From May 15 through Sept. 15, your car needs a valid parking permit to sun on East Hampton Beach. And your chances of scoring a non-resident permit? According to their Web site, permits for 2014 are already sold out. Of course, the one way around that is if they rent some sort of big East Hampton spread. But we have our doubts about that, too . . .

The high-end rental

Doug Kuntz
While being a reality TV star is certainly no disqualifier to landing a ritzy Hamptons pad, a lot of super-high-end Hamptons landlords (where the rents go for $200K to $500K per season — or more) will think twice about turning their property into a three-month-long TV set. “I would say, probably on the high end, 90 percent of the landlords would not have anything to do with it,” says Morabito. They won’t want cameras running through their properties, and a lot of the privacy-obsessed neighbors will complain. And nobody wants to get into one of those operatic feuds with the neighbors in this community.

Topping Rose House

Don’t expect to find Kourtney and Khloe dining at chef Tom Colicchio’s posh eatery inside the Topping Rose House.Getty Images (2)

No, we don’t think that Kourtney and Khloe will have too big a problem nailing a rezy at the shmancy inn and Tom Colicchio celeb-heavy eatery where Howard Stern can be seen sharing a table with Matt Lauer and Chris Christie. (Well, let us amend that: They won’t have any more problems than anyone else in this pain-in-the-neck-to-get-a-table eatery.) But we can’t imagine that the trail of cameramen and sound mixers would be permitted among the power diners who just want to enjoy their $16 side dish of mushrooms in peace.

Maidstone Club

If Groucho Marx (inset) can’t make his way into the Maidstone Club, there’s no hope for the Kardashians.Doug Kuntz; Everett Collection

The old story about the Maidstone Club was that during the 1950s, Groucho Marx was greatly impressed by its golf course, but was told that his religion made membership a lost cause. He reportedly quipped: “My kids are only half-Jewish. Can they at least play the front nine?” (Whether this story is true is anybody’s guess.) While it’s not the greatest hurdle to get a member to invite you to play a round of golf, actually nabbing a membership remains an elusive endeavor that few of the elect will even talk about. Still, we’re betting that if Groucho couldn’t charm his way in, Kourtney won’t, either. Particularly if Kim decides to hit the links in 4-inch heels, as she’s been seen doing.

Ron Perelman’s 4th of July bash

The Kardashians will probably be kept off the guest list for Ron Perelman’s annual 4th of July bash this summer.WireImage

Sure, we expect to see plenty of selfies of Kourtney and Khloe on Guest of a Guest during the course of the summer, and plenty of parties will be thrilled to have them. But we also expect the sisters will be left out in the cold for others. Ron Perelman, the 71st-richest American, according to Forbes, has a summer bash every year at his 57-acre estate (The Creeks), and while these are usually star-studded affairs that include the likes of Jon Bon Jovi or Julianne Moore, we suspect that reality TV stars won’t quite cut it.