But what if it is your first rodeo?
The redundant, obligatory and ridiculous decoration of the language of news continues to rattle whatever good senses remain. It’s so prevalent it exists not as news but as news noise, words attached to the obvious to lend needless interpretation for the dim-witted and sensation to the sensational.
Thus, dead bodies are no longer found in fields, closets, car trunks, vacant lots, ponds or in Hefty Bags. That’s not good enough.
Such finds are now all reported as “grisly discoveries” — “Police in Suffolk County have made a grisly discovery . . . ” — as if such discoveries might be confused with more joyous discoveries, such as penicillin and Bundt cake.
True, in regions inhabited by bears, a grisly discovery should be distinguished from a grizzly discovery. And if the grizzly is discovered murdered in your kitchen it becomes a grisly grizzly discovery.
A hold-up in Midtown? That can’t speak for itself, either. That becomes a “brazen robbery,” thus distinguishable from not-so brazen robberies. Further, “brazen robberies” are committed by “brazen thieves,” especially if committed “in broad daylight,” whatever that means.
One can imagine a judge, during sentencing, weighing whether the convicted robber acted in a brazen manner, or whether the absence of braze becomes a mitigating factor.
Then there are those brazen robberies in which the victim was shot and/or stabbed, and perhaps killed (leading to a grisly discovery). That’s often reported as what “police say was a hold-up gone bad.”
Yep, the hold-up was going very well, both parties thoroughly enjoying themselves, when the victim decided that he didn’t want to hand over his wallet, keys, cellphone, designer jacket or drugs. So the brazen hold-up man shot him, and that’s when it went from good to “bad.”
Oh, and “a stray bullet” is apparently one that wandered off, somewhere, all by itself. Like a stray cat. With a gun.
Then there’s the politicizing of news words.
Until, oh, maybe 10 years ago, telling the truth was both a simple concept and process. You either told the truth, or you didn’t, which, unless you refused to speak, meant you were lying.
Now, the stated goal of politicians, large investment firms, government agencies and even boards of education is not to tell the truth, but to become “more transparent.”
Again, either you’re telling the truth or you’re not. To “become more transparent” means what? To tell fewer lies? Smaller ones?
“Let me make myself perfectly clear: From now on we’ll be less non-transparent!”
It’s similar to a company announcing that in response to having been caught in some transgression — perhaps a brazen theft of funds in broad daylight — it has adopted “a zero percent tolerance policy.”
Great! But what was the previous policy? Twenty percent tolerance? Six?
I can imagine my old man, having caught me in a lie — even without looking he could see right through transparent me — demanding from me “greater transparency.”
We can’t even call vandalism “vandalism.” We call it “graffiti,” as if it’s served with white or red clam sauce. And if more than one color of spray paint is used, it’s called “street art.”
But graffiti or street art is what it’s called when it’s spray-painted on someone else’s hard-earned property. When you’re the victim, it’s a transparent case of brazen, street-art-gone-bad vandalism!
By now, I figured that common sense would prevail, thus the contradictory term “affordable housing” — even as it appeared in state and federal legislation — would be replaced by something more accurate, more, well, transparent.
Affordable housing is subsidized housing built for people who can’t afford housing, thus the fact that it’s government-subsidized means that it’s unaffordable housing housing — built for those who can’t afford it.
“Social media?” It’s a playground for the antisocial.
“Same-sex marriage?” My wife and I have been in one for 33 years.