After seven cycles of outlandish audition tapes, Journey cover songs and Ryan Seacrest-led result shows, viewers pretty much know what to expect from a season of “American Idol.” Sure, the producers may splash a new intro, blow up the stage or tack on a new judge, but since the ratings machine hasn’t broken down yet, there isn’t much to fix.But there is one aspect of the show that never seems to get old, or predictable — Simon Cowell. From his potent putdowns, delivered in the form of superfluous British banter, to his coy, bedside manner with Paula, reality TV’s meanest judge has a never-ending stash of insults hidden in the sleeves of his V-neck T-shirts. As a thanks for never failing to entertain us, here are the many faces of Simon Cowell — and these are only from season eight.
2 of 19
If these screen grabs could speak, they would say…”Are these Coke’s spiked, or am I in the ‘Straight Up’ music video?”
3 of 19
“If I squint my eyes hard enough, Paula will jump on the table and start tap dancing.”
4 of 19
“‘Straight up now tell me. Do you really want to love me forever oh oh oh’… Now, that’s bloody awful.”
5 of 19
“The pain that would result from sticking this pen up my nose would be less than the torture of hearing another bloody rendition of ‘Put Your Records On.'”
6 of 19
“There’s the fifteenth ‘Dawg’ of the day…”
7 of 19
“Up, there’s number 16.”
8 of 19
“My, my miss Paula. You didn’t strike me as the black, lacey thong-type.”
9 of 19
“Bikini Girl, you really don’t want to do that [kiss Ryan].”
10 of 19
“Did that new judge just curse on national television?”
11 of 19
“I long for the days when this panel outnumbered estrogen 2-to-1.”
12 of 19
“Just take a deep breath and imagine you have been transported to the Caribbean, where there are women and Bloody Mary’s aplenty.”
13 of 19
“Except that you’re Bloody Mary is a product placement cup filled with water and your beach is… here. Well doesn’t that just put the capital F in bloody fantastic.”
14 of 19
“z, Y, X, W, V… T – damn!”
15 of 19
“Would I rather be stranded on an island with Ryan or Paula? Definitely Paula, but then we might be forced to breed a new population.”
16 of 19
“So, I’ll say Ryan. He’s not so annoying once you get him on a jet ski.”
17 of 19
“Oh, bloody hell, it’s a toss up.”
18 of 19
“This gal wouldn’t be half bad if she came with a mute button.”
