Sports

JAWS’ FLAPPING ALL WRONG

BACK before producers got the memo instructing them to destroy football telecasts, viewers weren’t told much more than down, distance, time of game and the score. Sweet, huh?

Today? Well, in just one football weekend – any football weekend, every football weekend, last weekend, this weekend, next weekend – viewers can hope for no better than to survive TV’s verbal excesses without tearing Giuseppe Franco’s hair out.

In Ron Jaworski, ESPN was supposed to have replaced blowhard/contradiction champ Joe Theismann on Monday Night Football. But Jaworski, thus far, sounds like an imitation of Theismann.

At 20-12, Redskins, Monday, 2:58 left in the fourth quarter, the Eagles had driven past midfield. At this point Jaworski could have chosen to say nothing; the game’s particulars were self-evident. And MNF on ESPN is so overwhelmed by talking that its team mascot should be the yak.

But Jaworski seized the moment to provide some firmly asserted analysis that was cliched and wrong. “The clock,” he said of the Eagles, “is still not your enemy, it’s still your ally.”

Really? Down eight with 2:58 left and the clock’s on their side? Not that anyone at ESPN would coach Jaworski in such matters, but he should know that silence is always a can’t-lose option.

On CBS, Sunday, the Jets, behind 20-6, had a fourth down with 4:47 left. At that point Dick Enberg might’ve stated the obvious – “This is the game, right here” – or he, too, could have chosen to say nothing.

Instead, he chose to embroider the moment with, “This is literally match-point.” Of course, unless this was literally a tennis match, it couldn’t have literally been match point.

And as long as Fox’s Joe Buck and ESPN’s Mike Tirico saw fit to parrot quarterback ratings that appeared in graphics – they must be significant stats if they’re to be read and heard. They should be able to explain why Joe Namath is the 131st all-time rated passer, 126 places behind Marc Bulger, and why John Elway (43rd), Johnny Unitas (52nd) and Terry Bradshaw (106th) finished behind Ken O’Brien (38th).

Such explanations to national audiences would re-enforce the credibility and use of quarterback ratings, no?

Come to think of it, what would happen if no stats were issued to announcers during games. What if they could only rely on what they saw happen?

Dave Pasch was doing a good job calling Pitt-Michigan St. on ESPN, Saturday, when early in the fourth he went stat-sheet on us, twice telling us that Pitt has no air game – “just 40 passing yards,” yet, “amazingly has kept it close.”

But Pasch had just described a Pitt wide receiver drop a bomb at the goal line followed by a pass interference call that led to a field goal that had kept Pitt close.

Sunday on NBC, after Shawne Merriman, untouched, blitzed, sacking Tom Brady, John Madden went into one of his this-and-er-that spiels before concluding, “I’m sure that’s one the Patriots weren’t ready for.” Ya think?

Enjoy the football weekend.

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On balance alone, you look for something nice to write about Joe Morgan‘s work as ESPN’s lead baseball analyst. Or at least try to ignore him. But he doesn’t allow either. Sunday’s Yanks-Red Sox was the latest “Joe’s Fantastic Journey” – a game’s worth of authoritatively stated nonsense – that reached a boil in the top of the eighth.

With the score tied, Joe Torre pinch-hit for Jason Giambi with catcher Jose Molina. Jon Miller said designated hitter Jorge Posada would now have to catch, thus the Yanks lose the DH.

But, “No,” Morgan corrected. He said that before the game Torre told him he’d brought up two catchers, and that he’d use them. ESPN cut to Posada, in the dugout, his catcher’s gear on. “But Joe told me specifically that he brought up two catchers,” said Morgan.

But if so, who are they and where are they? A check of the active roster (it has to be somewhere in the booth, no?) would have told Morgan that the Yanks had two catchers, Posada and Molina. And even if they had six catchers, why, at such a point in this game and this season would Torre not move Posada to catcher, especially with Hideki Matsui among those available to pinch-hit?

Next, Giambi hits one off the wall in left, Doug Mientkiewicz goes from first to third, Giambi takes second on a bad throw by left fielder Jacoby Ellsbury. And Morgan compliments Ellsbury for making a “great play;” he says Ellsbury prevented Mientkiewicz from scoring, as if all base runners normally go first to home on balls hit off Fenway’s short left field wall!

After a replay, Morgan acknowledged Ellsbury missed the cut-off man, but still made a terrific play to save a run. Good grief.

So it’s second and third, one out. Morgan: “Interesting that they’re playing the infield in; they’re not going to try for the double play.” Help!

phil.mushnick@nypost.com