We can never allow it to be only what it is. Tiger Woods is the greatest golfer in the history of the game. We can’t stop there. No, he’s also the world’s greatest human.
And to suggest anything less means you’re the one with the problem. Hmmm, perhaps you even have a problem with the color of Tiger’s skin. Team Tiger, you may recall, dropped that hint, early.
So if you know what’s good for you, stick with the story, especially you TV guys: Greatest golfer, greatest human. Got it? Now don’t forget it.
But the world’s greatest golfer has a lot in common with all of us. He has character flaws. We’re just not supposed to know that the world’s greatest human is human.
NBC News’ Kristen Dahlgren on Saturday, described Woods as the man with the “golden touch and sterling reputation.” Of course, she did. Why would she think or report otherwise?
It comes as thin surprise that Woods and Team Woods have been less than cooperative with authorities in the three days following his 2:25 a.m. domestic car wreck/whatever the heck happened. From the time he was 15, he was taught to beat the rules.
As a kid, identified as a can’t-miss pro, his father and the monolithic rep firm IMG teamed to circumvent USGA rules by funding Woods’ amateur career. IMG hired Earl Woods as a “talent scout” — with the tacit, Rumpelstiltskin-like agreement to deliver Tiger the instant he turned pro. Done and done.
U.S. PGA Tour rules disallow appearance fees. Team Woods beat that, too. It made multi-million dollar endorsement deals with several PGA tournament title sponsors, Buick, among them, thus, although Woods skipped many Tour events, his participation in his sponsors’ events was guaranteed.
But you’d never hear that on TV. When Tiger played in a non-major it was due to his commitment to “grow the game” and to charitably serve the “host community.” When he didn’t play, he was “resting.”
Even his first TV ad, in 1996 for Nike, days after he turned pro, was disturbingly dishonest. Golf’s most privileged amateur — he’d previously claimed that he didn’t want to be thought of as a minority golfer — spoke of himself as a victim of racial discrimination, unable to play certain courses. While no such fact existed — not for him — black pros who’d suffered genuine racism — Jim Thorpe among them — scorned that ad for what it was: insulting.
Those stories didn’t make it to TV. Natch. Even the softest criticism of Woods & Co., it soon was learned, was prohibited. Violators risked suspension from conducting mere post-round interviews with Woods. From the start, Team Tiger made climate control mandatory.
What soon became obvious on TV — Woods threw foul-mouthed tantrums on the course — was ignored, excused or admired as evidence of his great desire. Such misconduct from others was condemned as inexcusable.
It reached the point of maudlin absurdity four years ago, when Woods’ dad became seriously ill. The TV folks gushed and marveled that Woods, somehow, still was able to play golf! How does he do it?! Surely, he’s the world’s greatest human! Again, it was insulting, as if similar misfortune would allow regular folks to quit working.
And in the months before and after his father died, TV’s golf voices again repeatedly insulted us, framing Woods’ love for his father as greater than the love anyone else could have for their father. Hey, he’s also the world’s greatest son! How, weeks after his father’s death, was he even able to grip a club? Even Woods looked sideways at such ridiculous questions and suggestions.
Apparently, though, something ugly happened in and/or near the Woods household, home of the world’s greatest golfer and human, early Friday, creating a climate that even Team Tiger can’t fully control. We’re supposed to be shocked. I suppose.
Dumb & dumber
Leave it to ESPN to form a lead college football team, Brent Musburger and Kirk Herbstreit, that’s so stuck on their own words that game after game, start to finish, they’re the last to know — if they ever find out — what’s going on. In calling Notre Dame-Stanford on Saturday, they might as well have not been there.
Just one example: Herbstreit shoveled praise on Stanford DB Delano Howell for “filling the hole,” making a “beautiful” stop. Then why, as seen on ABC, was Howell, a starter, for the next play — a third-and-seven — on the sideline? It appeared he’d been stunned, having made that beautiful stop with his helmet.
Cheering for quieter
Jets’ radio voice Bob Wischusen hollers less easily than he used to, making Jet games — yesterday’s, for example — a better, cleaner listen. . . . Happy 82nd, Vin Scully. . . . Panthers-Jets on a Sunday afternoon. Wham!, a Bud Light commercial asks the low-brow, wise-guy question, “Do you have trouble putting on a condiment?” Heh-heh. Geez.
A good on ya, Merton Laverne (Verne) Lundquist. When a graphic appeared, during CBS’s FSU-Florida, noting that UF has “outscored non-conference opponents, 190-12,” Lundquist scoffed, “Come on!” He added that two of those opponents, Charleston Southern and Florida International, were beaten by a total of 124-6.
Class Distinction: CBS pregamer Bill Cowher said he hasn’t spoken to any team about becoming its coach — and would not “while there is a current head coach.” Compare that to Jimmy Johnson’s conduct on Fox before he took the Dolphins’ job, merrily wearing the caps of teams whose coaches were on the ropes. . . . When did the line of scrimmage become “the neutral zone”? . . . Yup, it was all Lawrence Frank’s fault.