April Fool’s Day is upon us this week. Or, as Gilbert Arenas refers to it, “Thursday.”
Oh, yes, another Arenas semi-column is on tap! I apologize in advance. However, while I realize too much analysis leads to audience paralysis, I’m powerless to stop myself.
Then again, it’s not like we’re excavating from an impoverished gold mine. Even now there’s a wealth of material to appraise. Has anyone ever enjoyed a more blessed month than Wild Gil?
On Monday, Arenas was given a get-out-of-jail free card by D.C. Superior Court Judge Robert E. Morin. Eight days previously, at the Academy Awards, the story about his four-gun salute toward Wizards teammate Javaris Crittenton won Best Picture (“The Hurt Locker”) of the year.
Thirty days in a halfway house for carrying four guns into Washington’s play station! Four shock treatments later and my cerebral hemisphere remains numb.
One foolish decision compounded by another.
Two fools intersecting at conjunction dysfunction.
Just think of the painless pass Arenas would’ve gotten had he not tried to deceive the prosecution throughout.
Just think if hadn’t attempted a cover-up.
Just think if his attitude wasn’t cavalier.
Just think if he hadn’t twittered thoughtlessly for weeks and tried to intimidate the New York Post by suggesting he was considering a lawsuit.
Just think if he’d been sincerely remorseful instead of staging a pre-game shoot-em-up skit.
“If Plaxico Burress had it all to do over again, he would have shot himself in D.C.,” snaps column contributor Phillip Marmanillo.
*
Million upon millions of unemployed in this country . . . and St. John’s can’t find anyone to coach the team. Perhaps the school should look outside the borders, claiming it’s one of those jobs Americans just won’t do.
Hollis homie Gerry Vaillancourt heard a rumor that anyone who wants the St John’s gig better be able to answer the following questions:
1. What if Fredo had gotten control of the Corleone family? Please elaborate.
2. Unicorns, rainbows and goose bumps . . . which of these explains your true feelings about our program?
3. Have you ever used a bag of nachos for a pillow?
4. Pappa ooo mow mow? Please elaborate.
*
Had just caught on to 76ers rookie Jrue Holiday and was attempting to put his incandescence into perspective when I read beat writer Kate Fagan’s Philadelphia Inquire description.
“Holiday is like City Hall, something to build around. . . . He’s like the skylight in an otherwise closed room. He allows you to see more than the box you’re in.”
Sam Stith reports younger brother, Tom, has been hospitalized for quite some time with kidney problems and other health issues. Finally, he’s starting to show improvement. Both played for St. Francis Prep, St. Bonaventure and a half season each for the Knicks. Tom was the No. 2 overall pick (averaged 31.5 ppg) in 1961. The 6-foot-5 lefty forward was that good, as good as it got in those days, Oscar Robertson-magnitude-good, before TB and a car accident demolished that promise. His Garden duel against The Big O in the Holiday Festival was unforgettable, for a half, anyway . . . as was the epic encounter between St. Bonaventure (Stith brothers, Fred Crawford, Whitney Martin) and Ohio State’s overloaded (Jerry Lucas, John Havlicek, Larry Siegfried, Mel Nowell, Joe Roberts and sixth man Bobby Knight) Buckeyes. Those truly were the days, my friend.
Correction Du Jour: Ivan Kovac played at Bayside High School, not Flushing, in the late ’50s before starring for St. John’s.
*
For those paying little attention, the Blazers are 14-5 since acquiring Marcus Camby, who has provided 11 rebounds, six points, two blocks and a black cloud hovering over the rim during that span. Amazing how well they were able to recoup, er, get better, so far into the season from injuries to Greg Oden and Joel Przybilla.
Credit goes to general managher Kevin Pritchard for pulling that off as well as the summer signing of Andre Miller, whose cutthroat presence no longer allows opponents to smother Brandon Roy without paying a stiff price. Since the Feb. 22 trade deadline, Miller has had a total of one bad (1-6 FG, four assists) game and is averaging 17.8 points and 6.8 assists over the last five, four of ’em wins.
Oh, yeah, and the Heat made it a season-high five consecutive victories Sunday against fast-fading playoff hopeful Toronto, whose choice summer recruit, Hedo Turkoglu, was sentenced by coach Jay Triano to a halfway house for at least one game. He’d been seen out on the town (Denver) after begging off playing due to a stomach virus.
In an unrelated matter, Pat Riley says he has never felt better. Could he be getting that itch to coach again? Yeah, anywhere but St. John’s.