Entertainment

The Syfy King

Fill in the blanks:

There’s something strange going on in the seemingly idyllic New England fishing village of _____.

Out of nowhere, violent _____ storms and choking fog envelope the village in the blink of an eye. Literally.

Drunken _____ fishermen hide dark things in their catches. Out-of-control gigantic 18-wheelers come roaring through said New England coastal town nearly running down the mysterious residents.

Lithe and lovely _____ agent is sent to town to investigate a mysterious murder, but is met with resistance by the crusty chief of police, _____, whose son, _____, a decent, cop/hunk/everyman/holder of many secrets, is more cooperative.

Yes, a murder or disappearance back in the 1950s, it seems, is somehow connected to current events, and the fact that all the townspeople have supernatural abilities — such as the ability to call up storms at will.

All that’s missing so far is a wild dog with crazy, dripping fangs.

Yes, it’s the latest Stephen King TV extravaganza based on a novel you may or may not have heard of.

Welcome to “Haven,” the town and the series, which is based on King’s 2005 novel, “The Colorado Kid.”

If we’d never seen some version of the above before, this series would be more interesting than it is. But we’ve seen so much of the same — not just from King, but from pretenders to the King’s throne — that “Haven” sort of feels like a rerun.

You’ll find hints of it in shows from “Eureka” to “Dead Zone,” to “Stephen King’s Storm of the Century” to bits of “The Lost Room.”

Anyway, here we have FBI agent Audrey Parker (Emily Rose), who is assigned to the tiny town of Haven to solve the murder of an ex-con. Immediately, she meets and teams up with local cop Nathan Wuornos (Lucas Bryant) — against the wishes of his police-chief father.

Added to the mix is the charmingly strange fisherman Duke Croker (Erik Balfour), who, along with everyone else in the town, seems to have some connection to an old newspaper article about the murder of someone dubbed “The Colorado Kid,” which took place in 1956.

The woman in the photo is a dead ringer (and I’m sure that’s the right phrase) for lithe-and-lovely FBI agent Parker, which causes her to experience a real sense of déjà vu.

Sure, “Haven” is fun. But I get the feeling that I’m suffering from the same attack of “been there/done that” as the lithe and lovely agent.