Two plus two has become a matter of “Depends on how ya look at it,” “What’s it to you?” and even “Don’t go there.”
Two years ago, the Dodgers’ Matt Kemp was runner-up to drug-cheat Ryan Braun for the NL MVP. Kemp, however, is out of these playoffs with a bad ankle.
At least that’s the cover story — the one TV and radio provide. Two-plus-two. But for those who prefer a bit more, Kemp injured his ankle — then missed 52 games and now the playoffs — because he chose to play new-age baseball, which means stylish, minimalist, and presumptive bad baseball.
On July 21 against the Nationals, Kemp was on third, two out, bases loaded. Carl Crawford hit a chopper toward first baseman Chad Tracy. Kemp, who should have been running on contact, presumed the force throw would be made elsewhere. So he jogged.
But Tracy had no play at any base, except home — because Kemp chose not to run. Too late, Kemp turned it on, but was forced out at home. He injured his ankle in an awkward half-slide that wouldn’t have been necessary had he run, as per Baseball Fundamentals 101, in the first place.
That’s why Kemp, 2011 MVP runner-up, will not play this postseason.
Two plus two equals four? Sometimes. It’s not for everyone.
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When Eagles’ wide receiver Riley Cooper was recorded using the N-word, Philadelphia Mayor Michael Nutter publicly suggested the Eagles should dump him.
However, a few months earlier, when the Phillies signed Delmon Young, who, last year as a Tiger, was arrested in Manhattan for a drunken, 2 a.m. anti-Semitic assault on a man Young thought was Jewish, Mayor Nutter had no problem with that, at least not publicly.
Monday on TBS, Young, now with the Rays, played his 10th nationally televised postseason game since his guilty plea to that hate crime. Yet, not once has a TBS or FOX baseball announcer made even brief mention of it. It’s as if it’s nobody’s business.
Cooper, on the other hand, who committed no crime, remains a national pariah, the latest John Rocker.
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Two plus two can equal anything one claims — 12, 15, 26, hike! Sunday, during FOX’s Giants-Chiefs, play-by-player Kevin Burkhardt said, “When Tom Coughlin challenges a play, he’s usually right — 43 percent on challenges, fifth best all-time.”
No, no, no, no, NO!
Forget Burkhardt’s math, 43 percent is not “usually right.” But he’s the latest in a spool to speak of replay challenge “success rates” as if they’re batting averages, archery or the SATs.
Replay challenges come in such radically different assortments that they can’t be logically lumped. There are challenges based in conviction — an attempt to try to reverse what’s genuinely believed to be a bad call — and those made as a matter of “worth-a-shot”maybe, “nothing-to-lose” desperation and “can’t-save-’em-for-later” dice-throwing.
To reach and disseminate context-free conclusions as to who’s “good at it” is folly. But “doing the math” becomes a simplistic substitute for reality.
Sunday night on NBC, Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth applied math to turn the close of Patriots-Falcons into Mystery Science Theatre 2013.
With 3:05 left, the Falcons, down 10 and on the Pats’ 6-yard line, Collinsworth said: “You have to go back to that first half and the decision by [Atlanta coach] Mike Smith to not kick that field goal on fourth and 2 down there [the Pats’ 7-yard line], early in the game.”
Ah, look what Cris found! Michaels concurred. Thus, they knew something they couldn’t possibly have known.
The Falcons would be in the same place at the same time if they had kicked a field goal? The game wouldn’t have changed?
Because Atlanta chose not to try that first half field goal — an incomplete pass was thrown — the Pats took the ball on their 7. Had the Falcons kicked that field goal, a kickoff would have followed. The entire game would have changed, every ensuing play!
Yet, Collinsworth and Michaels told America the only thing that would have changed, up to that moment, was the score. Just look at the score — 30-20. Now subtract. That’s a 10-point difference. Had they kicked that field goal, it would be 30-23, Atlanta ball on the Pats’ 6. See?
Tuesday night, ESPN reported the Pirates “win first postseason game since 1992.” Depends on how you add two plus two. The Bucs hadn’t played a postseason game since 1992. Between 1993 and Tuesday, they were 0-0.
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Raptors, NBA embrace vulgar ‘ambassador’
Drake, although born in Canada, adheres to U.S. rap’s standards of quality and artistry. He’s exceedingly vulgar and relentlessly refers to black men as “n—-s.” Regardless, the Toronto Raptors have named Drake their “Global Ambassador.”
Furthermore, in naming the Raptors host of the 2016 All-Star Game, the NBA this week announced it has chosen Drake for front-and-center promotional status.
The same NBA news release reads: “The NBA will continue its commitment to social responsibility during NBA All-Star 2016 with NBA Cares events.”
Perhaps Commissioner David Stern and Commissioner-In-Waiting Adam Silver will begin an NBA Cares event with the recitation of a Drake number. Let’s see, try the one titled, “The Language.” They wouldn’t dare.
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Saints nuts all look same
Mike Tirico, early in Monday’s Dolphins-Saints, said that with all the costumed crazies who populate the Superdome, Saints games are loaded with “cutaway shots” to show them. Moments later, ESPN cut to the same costumed crazy shown minutes before. One-nutloaf-fits-all!
If you prefer good tidbits to silly stats, analyst Chris Singleton, on ESPN Radio’s Rays-Rangers play-in, had one: With the Rangers’ power diminished by the loss of Josh Hamilton to the Angels, Texas moved Gary Pettis (354 lifetime stolen bases) from first base coach to third base coach for more homeward-bound running.
Second funniest take of the week came from Mike Francesa, who said that just-fired USC coach Lane Kiffin is obnoxious, abrasive and difficult to work with. Funniest, was that brilliant You-Tubed, Mike Zaun (“Mike’s On”) parody of Francesa as a 1776 Revolutionary War expert.
NCAA Diving Championships, continued: Tomorrow against Georgia, Tennessee’s famous orange and white uniforms will be replaced by adidas’s “smokey gray.”
The Chiefs’ mocking of Victor Cruz’s “salsa dance” Sunday reminded us that there never has been a time when pro athletes — many of them college men — have been more eager to demonstrate their classlessness.
Note To All: Every ballgame ends in a “walk-off” somethin’ or other. Mariano Rivera’s 652 saves? All “walk-offs.”