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We’re stranded, stuck somewhere between Obvious and Oblivious.
How many more millions and for how many more seasons would Scott Boras want for Robinson Cano if Cano ran to first base? Has that come up? And why do agents now play hardball harder than their clients?
Really, though. How much more if Cano plays as if he cares?
Brings to mind the gag about the U.S. beer magnate, granted an audience with The Pope. He travels to The Vatican where he offers the Pope a million dollars to add “beer” to the Lord’s Prayer — as in, “Give us this day, our daily bread, and beer.”
The Pope says he couldn’t possibly do that. The beer baron offers $5 million. Then $10 million. Each time the Pope says, “I’m sorry, I could never say, ‘Give us this day, our daily bread, and beer.’”
Finally, the frustrated beer tycoon explodes: “All right, then, what are the bread people giving ya?!?”
So much lands between obvious and oblivious it should become the 51st state — if only to immediately secede.
Now that what we long and reasonably suspected about Lance Armstrong has been confirmed, isn’t it time to move on … to why the Federal Government, through the U.S. Postal Service, chose to sponsor Armstrong’s drug-racing team for $40 million?
Wouldn’t we — shouldn’t we — like to know who approved that idea on our behalves? Who signed those checks? Or should we remain oblivious to such an obvious matter?
And gosh, without statistics how could we distinguish LeBron James from ordinary players?
Monday night, I did as ESPN urged. I watched the Baylor-UConn women’s game on ESPN2. But I was quickly reminded — by ESPN — that ESPN is better at getting you to watch the next thing than showing what it urged you to watch.
When a foul was called on UConn’s Stefanie Dolson on what appeared to be a perfectly timed hand-on-ball blocked shot, the sellout home crowd howled while Dolson looked as if she had been the victim of a prank.
Surely — obviously — this play would be replayed. But ESPN next showed tape of the previous basket — a two-on-one layup — then went to commercials. Surely — obviously — ESPN would show the play after the commercials.
Nope. Obviously, ESPN was oblivious, leaving us, again, waiting for a bus that we forgot not to expect.
The next night, the Nets, down three with 6.7 seconds left, in-bounded. But the Bucks didn’t foul! Joe Johnson hit a 3-pointer at the buzzer and the Nets won in overtime.
Once again — as in, what, 1,000 times, now? — a professional coach chose to give an opponent a one-in-three shot to tie rather than a one-in-a-lifetime. Didn’t matter that Mike Fratello, on YES, and Tim Capstraw, on WFAN, couldn’t believe what they didn’t see — again — the obvious, again, was excused from gym class.
By not fouling before a last-second 3-point attempt, coaches persist in and insist on gifting opponents a chance to win a game they’ve lost. They play to prevent a happenstance they’ve rarely, if ever, seen: Tying the game by making the first free-throw, intentionally missing the second, rebounding, scoring at the buzzer.
But what’s by now painfully obvious …
Yankees President Randy Levine continues to choose to ignore the obvious, hoping that you do, too. The continuing hub-bub about StubHub and Ticketmaster and how empty seats in new Yankee Stadium can be blamed on secondary markets in primary positions and underselling the overwhelming resale of ascending tertiary commerce …
Stop!
From Day 1, obscene demands have been attached to tickets and everything else in and around Yankee Stadium. It’s a ballpark, not a destination luxury resort. And until the Yankees deal with the obvious — drastically reduce prices to make attending merely expensive — people who used to buy in will continue to live without.
The mere fact that Bud Selig, during Week 1 of the new Yankee Stadium, declared he personally investigated and found all tickets “affordable” was all we needed to know. As commissioner the last 23 years, Selig also has taken credit for ridding MLB of drugs — as if the PED Era happened on someone else’s watch!
But we’re supposed to be oblivious to the obvious.
Monday in LaGuardia Airport, Buccaneers DE Da’Quan Bowers, a Clemson man, was arrested for having forgotten that his .40 caliber and ammo were in his carry-on. But who among us hasn’t been guilty of such absent-mindedness? I once left hand grenades in Port Authority.
Why would Bowers — 6-foot-4, 280 pounds — need to carry a gun? For protection. Obviously. (Incidentally, Bowers immediately moved up on ESPN’s “Future Hires” consideration list.)
Baseballs — one allegedly autographed by Lou Gehrig, the other allegedly the last out of the 1917 World Series — were removed from a NYC auction last week. The Gehrig ball was suspected of being dated after ALS prevented him from signing a ball, the 1917 ball was suspected of having been manufactured in 1928.
Reminds me of a rare coin collector I know. I asked how he spots a fake. The first clue, he said, is to spot the obvious. For example? “Say, someone’s selling a coin that’s stamped with a year and the letters B.C. …”
Naming rights are jail bait
Finally, an NCAA Division I school has a practical corporate tie-in. The naming rights to Florida Atlantic’s football stadium have been sold to a company that operates prisons.
Good timing, too. FAU this season has Middle Tennessee State at home in the newly renamed GEO Group Stadium. Sunday morning five MTSU football players were arrested for various offenses connected to a nightclub brawl.
* University of North Dakota radio man Paul Ralston has been suspended two games after referring to an overtime loss by 11-14 UND to 10-16 Northern Arizona as a “choke job.” Poor guy didn’t know anyone was listening.
* Alfonzo Dennard, a rookie Patriots cornerback from Nebraska, Wednesday was convicted of assaulting a cop. You may recall last year’s Capita* One Bowl on ESPN when he was tossed from his final college game for starting a fight with a South Carolina receiver.
* Happy birthday, Monte Irvin, 94 on Monday, and living in Houston.
* Reader Rich LePetri, Rockville Centre, asks if there was “any serious reason” NBC forced its NHL studio panelists Sunday to work from an outdoor rink in cold New York City? Not sure, Rich, but perhaps NBC is trying to make Mike Milbury quit.