Friday’s “The Place Beyond the Pines” is the first film to star both Ryan Gosling and Bradley Cooper, whose combined hotness is so incendiary that they could only appear on-screen together for a minute, lest the theater burst into flames. Our handy chart is here to help you make up your mind about the most important issue of our times: Are you Team Ryan or Team Bradley?
AGE:
Gosling: 32
Cooper: 38
BIO:
Gosling: Born in London, Ontario, quit high school at 17 to focus on acting
Cooper: Born in Philadelphia, BA in English from Georgetown, MFA in acting at New School
MARITAL STATUS:
Gosling: Single, dating Eva Mendes
Cooper: Single, squiring model Suki, 20; divorced actress Jennifer Esposito in 2007
ACADEMY AWARDS:
Gosling: Nominated, Best Actor for “Half Nelson”
Cooper: Nominated, Best Actor for “Silver Linings Playbook”
ROLE IN “THE PLACE BEYOND THE PINES”:
Gosling: Motorcycle rider/bank robber Luke Glanton
Cooper: Police officer Avery Cross
FIRST ACTING JOB:
Gosling: Cast member on “The New Mickey Mouse Club” during the Britney/Justin/Xtina years
Cooper: 1999 episode of “Sex and the City”
DOG:
Gosling: George, a mutt of indeterminate breed
Cooper: Charlotte, a chowretriever mix
IS HIS DOG A FACEBOOK STAR?:
Gosling: Yes (George has more than 670 likes on a Facebook page dedicated to him)
Cooper: No (because she hasn’t switched over from MySpace yet)
PEOPLE MAGAZINE MOMENT:
Gosling: Featured on the cover in January with headline “America’s Most Wanted Man”
Cooper: Sparked Gosling-fan protest when named “Sexiest Man Alive” in 2011
INTERNET MEMES CREATED IN HIS HONOR:
Gosling: “Hey, Girl” (a k a F – – k Yeah, Ryan Gosling), Feminist Ryan Gosling, Is Ryan Gosling Cuter Than a Puppy?
Cooper: None (although the Web lit up when video emerged of him speaking French on a morning chat show in Paris)
IDEAL FIRST DATE:
Gosling: Builds you an armoire from scratch, rubs your feet with peppermint lotion while you text your friends about it
Cooper: Dinner at an upscale Italian restaurant, ritual destruction of “All About Steve” DVDs, light dessert
FEMINIST BONA FIDES:
Gosling: Spoke out against MPAA’s double standards when it comes to women and sex
Cooper: Won’t date Jennifer Lawrence, 22, because he’s “old enough to be her father.” See “marital status.”
TATTOOS:
Gosling: A homemade tattoo of a monster’s hand, the initials “W.H.R.” and your name over his heart (alleged)
Cooper: None visible; “best friends” heart with Ed Helms and Zach Galifianakis’ names in it on left buttock (alleged)
YOUR MOTHER:
Gosling: Is wary, but warms when he serenades you on his ukelele
Cooper: Is eager to plan your wedding after your first date with him
PE
RSONAL PHILOSOPHY:
Gosling: “If . . . you don’t know what to do, be Bugs [Bunny]. Never be Daffy [Duck].”
Cooper: After his father died, he learned to “not sweat s – – t anymore.”
STYLE:
Gosling: Casual cool: rumpled hair, scoop-necks and nerdy spectacles
Cooper: Swank ’n’ sexy: rocks a suit (or tux) like few men ever have