If itâs Sunday, then that means its time for another installment of Rock of Love 2. Itâs the morning after in the Rock of Love house, and Peyton tells a groggy Courtney that she was booted off the show by default because she was passed out drunk during the eliminations. Courtney acknowledges that sheâs a sweet and caring girl, but apparently sheâs also âblackout drunk girl,â and if thatâs not what Bretâs looking for, then maybe heâs better off. Maybe we all are. I personally think Bret might have had a real connection with this girl, especially while sheâs sleeping it off, but hey â who am I to mess with love?
Itâs important that we start off this week with some fabricated drama, so now we learn that Sara is participating on the show because of a dare. Inna, whose manliness reminds me of that Chynna wrestler lady, is so pissed that sheâs gonna tell Bret. Indirectly. She tells Aubry, a.k.a. Madame Tussaud, because she doesnât want to be the tattletale, and she knows that the wax woman doesnât have those issues. True enough, Tussaud tells Bret the truth about Sara. Bret doesnât really seem too concerned, and he says that heâs fully aware that this might be a Tussaud sabotage tactic.
Frenchie reads a note from Bret in her broken English baritone. Their next “challenge” will be a talent show. This should be good. Destiney is going to do ju jitsu. Frenchie is going to get naked (surprise) and make a chocolate mousse for Bret. Sara is going to do a belly dance, even though sheâs never done a belly dance before, but hey, she appears to be Indian or something similar so heâll probably never know, right? Ambre Leftovers, who just narrowly avoided elimination last week, tells us that sheâs “really good at wrapping presents and stuff” so sheâs gonna unwrap herself as her talent. Niki is writing a poem, and Peyton confirms our viewersâ collective thinking that this “talent” totally sucks.
This ainât no ordinary talent show, yâall. The girls have to perform in a peep show booth for 30 seconds. At that point, the curtain will come down, but if Bret likes what heâs seeing, he will put another token into the “machine” and the curtain will go up again. The three girls with the “best talents” will go on a date with Bret. This is important because the more face-suck time you get with Bret, the better chance there is to develop “chemistry” with him and win the competition and get a few weeks of infamy on VH-1 and possibly a mention on Perez Hiltonâs blog.
Let le peeping begin! Madame Tussaud is up first, and she sits down at a set of drums and begins to, um, knock it around. Sheâs awful. Destiney does ju jitsu (I cannot confirm the accuracy of this statement), and Bret is turned on by her “kung-fu moves.” Niki reads her snoozer poem. Korie says she has many talents, but “the one she wants to show him is this”â¦and then she writes, “MERRY ME” on a piece of white butcher paper. Thatâs not a typo, my rock-stoned friends. WTF? Mistress of the Deep Neck Wrinkles, Elvira, reads a poem. Kristy Joe, scantily clad, proceeds to iron something, and Bret is totally into it. Megan throws three thongs into a “magic bag” and pulls out an American flag. Bra-vo! I am marveling at her genius. Sara does a “belly dance” but never shows her belly, which is apparently a problem for Bret. Inna ties a cherry stem in a knot with her tongue. Ambre unwraps herself. Daisy “sings.” Peyton plays the guitar and rocks out. Frenchie is last and she is fed up â why are none of these girls STREEPING? She immediately, um, disrobes and smashes her ta-tas against the glass. And then she proceeds to put her chocolate mousse on said ta-tas and lick it off herself. “I will be going on zee date wiss Bret!” Nope â Bret chooses Peyton, Daisy and Ambre to go on the date tomorrow.
Some VIP girls go to bed, but the rest of these desperate chicks stay up and listen to Bret play an acoustic version of “Every Rose Has Its Thorn.” Bret decides that its time to shake it up in the house for absolutely no reason, so there will be an “old-school dance competition” tomorrow, and weâll see who the real VIPs are.
Ambre, Daisy and Peyton leave for their date with Bret, which consists of riding ATVs and eating sandwiches, which quite frankly is too boring to really recap. Daisy, with her unwashed hair and frosted pink lips, is a bit slow on the uptake, but soon enough sheâs riding with the best of them and has the dirt mustache to show it. Bret and Ambre go off and make out for awhile, which gives Bret “heavy movement. Heavy, heavy movement.” Puke. What was in those sandwiches?
In the meantime, the sleepyheads who went to bed early the night before decide to make Bret an “amazing carrrrd” to show him how sorry they were, and when the card is complete, they agree that they “make an amazing trioâ¦of brains.” Interesting. They position themselves by the door in very little clothing so they can greet Bret right when he walks in the door.
Elsewhere, Inna and Frenchie decide theyâll get the dance floor ready for the dance-off. Inna sees the Hallmark Braintrust sitting by the door all skanked up, so she decides sheâll take her BFF Frenchie and slut it up in front of the door too! They literally move chairs in front of each other so they can be closer to the door. Iâm so embarrassed for these people.
Bret walks in, and thereâs a passel of hos standing before him, but none more bouncy than Frenchie. To recap, “Bret come to zah door, and he open eet, and I am all dressed all super sexy like a stripper, like a slut, you know?” And the rest of the girls just stand up away from the door and mumble “Hi, Bret.” Inna and Frenchie show Bret their dance floor and he agrees to make them judges of the contest. The three winners get VIP passes.
At the dance contest, the winners are Roxy (funky chicken), Destiney (running man) and Daisy (pony). Despite the impending elimination, Frenchie is very confident that she wonât go home, because “I tro myself in the peep show, like against zee window, you know lick my t*ts and stuff, und we set up all zee contest for heem today.” Fortunately, we know sheâs probably right.
At elimination, Bret calls out Sara for being on the show on a dare. Inna and Frenchie jump all over her when she tries to deny it, so of course Sara calls Inna a “big f-ing whale.” Bret gives Sara the boot. He hands out his passes one by one, and then it comes down to Frenchie, Korie and Niki. Two more girls will go home. Of course, Frenchie is een. Korie, who sort of resembles a poor manâs less attractive Jessica Simpson, (whatever that means), canât believe Frenchie beat her out. “What do I look like?” Apparently, you donât look like a man, Korie. Niki, the broke-down robot and poet, cries. The remaining ladies (and I use that term loosely) toast a can of Bretâs Brew to their victory. Itâs a bit early for predictions, but I think weâll see Daisy, Kristy Joe, Peyton and Megan around at the end. Thoughts? Questions? Chocolate mousse recipes? See you next week.
– Nicole Homewood