Like other recent years, 2010 promises big news developments. Rest as sured, none of the following will be among them:
* Former President George W. Bush will win the Nobel Peace Prize for liberating Iraq and fighting terrorists.
* China will deem the United States “too big to fail” — and forgive Washington hundreds of billions of dollars of debt.
* Journalists will discover a bombshell babe somewhere who has not had an affair with Tiger Woods — and Woods will go on to become president of NOW.
* President Obama, noticing that most of the decade’s deadliest terrorists happen to be Muslims, will institute widespread ethnic profiling.
* The Port Authority will lower tolls on all its bridges and tunnels.
* Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad will flee political protests and seek asylum in . . . Israel.
* Democrats in the New York state Senate, with key help from Obama and Caroline Kennedy, will draft a reluctant David Paterson to run for governor — and he’ll go on to beat Attorney General Andrew Cuomo handily in the primary.
* Not a single story will appear anywhere about Michael Jackson.
* After Obama signs health-care reform into law, America’s health-care system will improve.
* The New Jersey Nets will waltz their way to an NBA championship.
* 9/11 terror mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed will be brought to New York, quietly convicted of war crimes and promptly executed.
* The House Ethics Committee will remove Rep. Charlie Rangel (D-Harlem) as chairman of the House’s tax-writing committee for having violated several laws and ethical rules. Chastened, Rangel will finally disclose all his income, as required, and pay all his taxes.
* New York officials will finally tear down the Deutsche Bank building, a toxic firetrap near Ground Zero — nine years after it was destroyed in the 9/11 attack and fully three years after a blaze there killed two firefighters.
* General Motors will become the world’s most profitable carmaker.
* Despite Democrats’ massive spending, taxes in America will fall.
* The mainstream media will treat Sarah Palin fairly.
* Rep. Barney Frank will oppose mortgages for people who can’t afford them.
* California will become a national model for state budgeting.
* A rash of new newspapers will sprout up all over, stealing millions of readers and advertisers from the Internet.
* Mike Bloomberg will announce plans to run for a fourth term as mayor. His campaign slogan: “Let New Yorkers eat, drink and smoke in peace.”
* Obama, America’s first postpartisan president, will actually include Republican ideas in his agenda.
* Government employees in New York will be made to share in the sacrifices that ordinary citizens have had to make.
* Eliot Spitzer will relaunch his political career — with Ashley Dupre as his campaign adviser.
* After former state Senate Majority Leader Joe Bruno’s criminal conviction, Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver will resign his of-counsel “job” at Weitz & Luxenberg and dedicate his life to serving the people of New York.
* Obama will stop blaming George W. Bush for his failures.
* After admitting that human behavior might not be causing global warming, Al Gore will get a real job.
* Huge new taxes to pay for ObamaCare will spur investors to pour billions into new businesses, igniting a wild economic boom overnight.
* Thanks to careful financial management by the Metropolitan Transportation Authority, subway service in the city will improve, as fares plummet.
* Pundits will finally stop making stupid predictions.
Happy New Year!