US News

It’s celebrity justice in the star chamber

Celebrity parents Michael Douglas and first wife Diandra arrive for Cameron’s sentencing. (J.B Nicholas / Splash News)

The rich-kid drug pusher with the mullet haircut, superstar daddy and way-cool stepmom stood, twitching and stuttering, before the judge.

“I miss being involved as an entertainer and putting a smile on people’s faces and inspiring them,” Cameron Douglas actually said, hanging his left hand off his pants zipper for dear life, and doing a little chicken dance with his right.

“Things will be different this time.”

Guess what. It worked!

MORE: DOUGLAS SON GETS 5 YEARS, NOT 10

I’d hoped I’d never see this day. But within a few minutes, New York fell into the shape-shifting vortex and emerged as Los Angeles Lite — a place where a man’s guilt or innocence lies in direct proportion to his access to fame, fortune and excuses.

As payment for graduating from junkie to pusher to celebrity rat, Judge Richard Berman sentenced the Camster to five years behind bars, half the 10-year sentence an ordinary sucker would face.

With the time off for entering drug rehab, Cam will be back in a schoolyard near you before you can yell, “Can I have your autograph?!”

Behind him, his mom, the self-absorbed Diandra, blew kisses. She sat next to ex-hubby Michael Douglas, who, in a letter to the judge, threw Diandra under the bus, blaming her for being a lousy, selfish, druggie-producing mom. And proving that family dysfunction continues long after divorce and a sweetheart sentence.

Michael studiously avoided contact with the masses, his chin oddly raised to the exact altitude of his firstborn. If not for the age difference and Cameron’s pallor next to dad’s heavy spring tan, they could be twins.

They dodged a bullet, one and all.

Were this man’s name Smith, Jones or Rodriguez, this would not be. A regular guy who pushes ruinous poison on the less fabulous or fortunate is guaranteed to spend years in the company of large and hairy individuals you wouldn’t want to meet in the shower.

But let’s look at this case through the Hollywood fun mirror, shall we?

Here’s a man who’s suffered the lifelong injustice of being born to Oscar-winner Michael Douglas, and endured the grave misfortune of being icon Kirk’s grandson. He grew into the stepson of fab Oscar-winner Catherine Zeta-Jones, and even was forced to sit near George Clooney at the Academy Awards. Poor Cam! What chance did he have?

One might ask how a guy can possibly grow into a productive human being when he hasn’t worked a nanosecond in his lifetime, yet has a personal net worth estimated by the judge at a half-million dollars, plus access to Daddy’s millions. How can anyone become a responsible adult when he’s friended his BFF, Miami Heat President Pat Riley, on Facebook?

But Cameron was clever. For a guy who hasn’t been sober a minute outside of jail since he was 13, he knew which buttons to push. He got to present himself as a victim, something Judge Berman wasn’t crazy about. But then, he avoided hard time by making sure some other jerk he ratted on did it for him.

“I apologize to my family and my loved ones for putting them through this nightmare of my making,” Cameron said.

Nothing — not one word — about all the people and their families he hurt by selling them powerful and addictive methamphetamines.

They say addiction runs in families. Apparently, so does celebrity privilege.

andrea.peyser@nypost.com