It isn’t just the marvel ously rich photography that makes “Oceans” such a sensuous, invigorating documentary, one that begs for the invention of new adjectives (splendificent? sumptuoso?). Behold the detail of the sound mix: the drumroll of a vigorous surf. The ruthless clip of a bird of prey as it plucks a newborn sea turtle for a canapé. The scuttle of the wondrous and wee across the ocean floor like a hand rustling in a three-quarters empty bucket of popcorn.
As the film, from Disney, roams all of the world’s oceans, underwater life seems like it was imagined by Martin Scorsese. Phalanxes of scarily determined spider crabs strut into battle as psychotically as if re-enacting “Gangs of New York.”
A comic-looking fish disguised as a rock turns out to be, in the presence of an unsuspecting passerby, as quick to violence as any squat fiend Joe Pesci ever played.
The movie ends with the usual alarmism about how endangered all of this is by man, and it interrupts its own majesty with some bizarre images, such as a rocket taking off and a Cutty Sark-style sailing ship going by, but these interludes are brief.
What isn’t is the blundering narration provided by Pierce Brosnan. “The ocean is an ancient place.” Uh-huh. “The ocean is vast.” Bland, James bland. Worse are the moments in which our host tries to be James Baudelaire: “All manner of creatures followed — gazing toward the heavens with prehistoric eyes.” “As far as the eye can see — north and south and east and west — the ocean smiles at the sky.” “On a clear night, as the ocean draws her secrets near, the moonlight dances on the waves.”
The movie could — should — be a symphony, and it frequently makes excellent use of spare classical music. When Brosnan pipes up, he is as welcome as a car alarm.
The (many) credited authors of this drivel are their own worst anemones. But the photographers effortlessly save them with their nonstop array of dazzling and hypnotic images. If you can’t spare a few thousand hours to wander through the vasty deep yourself, “Oceans” will do nicely.