Entertainment

Really stupid animal tricks

Kevin James, in the title role, solicits romantic advice from computer-generated animals voiced by Nick Nolte, Sylvester Stallone, Cher and co-producer Adam Sandler in “Zookeeper,” an alleged comedy from Frank Coraci, the director of Sandler’s “The Waterboy.”

Need I really say more?

This one is strictly for James’ hard-core fans and anyone wishing to witness the sole appearance of the once-mighty MGM lion on a new feature this year.

Dumped by shallow supermodel Leslie Bibb when he proposes marriage, our idiotic hero is still pining for her five years later when she inexplicably turns up as a guest at his brother’s wedding.

By this point, James’ veterinarian at a Boston zoo is doing the Dr. Doolittle thing with his talky menagerie, which includes a Sandler-voiced capuchin monkey and bickering lions who sound distressingly like Stallone and Cher.

After a three-minute product plug — sorry, outing — at TGI Friday’s with Nick Nolte’s gorilla, James is instructed to make Bibb jealous by taking a co-worker as his guest to the wedding.

Even the dumbest animal or audience member would realize that this warm-hearted guest, played by the gorgeous Rosario Dawson, is a better match for James. But if the animals or James did, the movie would be 20 minutes long instead of a punishing 104.

With Dawson’s help, James manages to upstage Bibb’s wedding guest, an obnoxious ex-boyfriend (former “Fear Factor” host Joe Rogan), not to mention the bride and groom, at the wedding dinner.

At Bibb’s insistence, he quits his job at the zoo to go to work at his brother’s automobile dealership . . . and you can pretty much guess the rest.

The cast also includes Ken Jeong — without whose presence no bad movie this season would be complete — as a snake expert and Donnie Wahlberg, who avoids unemployment as a cruel zookeeper.

“Zookeeper” barely avoids a zero-star rating because of James. The bulky former star of “King of Queens” is impossible to hate no matter how much dumb slapstick he and his stunt double are required to perform.

The movie, however, is very easy to hate. As one of the animals puts it, “Every time we talk to humans, it turns out badly.”

lou.lumenick@nypost.com