I work for a small family-owned business in which there are lots of family squabbles, which I seem to get drawn into the middle of. It’s awkward and uncomfortable. What do you suggest?
Oh, the perks and perils of working for a small family business — where the “It’s not personal . . . it’s business!” rule No. 1 from “The Godfather” is rarely observed. Avoid getting drawn into thorny family squabbles. Remember, no matter what, you’re not family. You’re not going to inherit the business. You are an employee, and you have no more business getting involved in personal family disputes that spill over into business than you do as their guest at Thanksgiving dinner trying to referee a holiday family smack-down. If one or more parties tries to involve you, the best response is to explain that the way you can be most helpful is to focus on their business and not their personal issues. At most, be a good listener, but never pick sides because, well, you may pick the wrong side — or there may no longer be sides if the parties resolve their differences.
I’m a senior manager at a mid-size firm, and one of my colleagues is known for being generally rude and unpleasant. I actually think she is a nice person deep down and that the way she presents herself is just a defense mechanism. Any thoughts about how to help such an individual?
Sounds like you may have a good handle on how to approach the situation yourself, Dr. Phil. Listen, I have a firm no-jerk rule, but I’ll give anyone a chance to change. Maybe she just wants to be loved — is that so wrong? Perhaps you may start by killing with kindness — meeting incivility with syrupy sweetness — not saccharine, but the real deal, Grade A Maple with a smile. Then you might invite the person to lunch, coffee or happy hour, try to bring them into a wider circle of colleagues who feel similarly, to break the cycle and persona that exists around the office. If all else fails, then you can crush them like a big . . . err . . . I mean speak to them directly about the issue in a nonthreatening, professional manner, in the hopes of developing a more productive, friendly work relationship.