What will they think of next?
There’s a new smartphone on the market that allows you to watch video — don’t they all? — but automatically stops the show if you look away.
The phone, the Samsung Galaxy 4, calls this feature “Smart Pause” and it is being widely publicized on TV.
You can’t miss the ads. In fact you won’t be able to avoid them if you are watching on the Galaxy 4, because if you turn away, the commercial will wait until you are paying attention again.
Isn’t that just what you always wanted?!
So, for just $229 or so you can now turn a 30-minute show into a 60-minute show — thus using up twice as much of your lifetime on a program that probably wasn’t keeping your attention in the first place since you couldn’t stop diverting your eyeballs.
I doubt I’ll ever need this feature. You could lock me and my “mobile device” in a pitch black room and I would find something other than the show in front of me to catch my attention. Put me in the real world with my phone and the potential intrusions are endless.
I haven’t been to the doctor but I think it’s just ADD — Another Dull Day.
If you let your imagination go crazy, the possibilities for technologies like Smart Pause are limitless. And not just for phones, but also for your TV.
In between worrying about federal budget deficits and debt ceilings I’ve been giving a lot of thought to stuff like this. (Okay, maybe not a lot. But some — mostly during timeouts in football games, right after diverting my eyes from another Galaxy 4 commercial.)
And I came up with a few innovations I’d like to see.
Samsung has its “Smart” technology, I’d like mine marketed under the “Lazy” trademark.
Like a Lazy TV Remote that, when placed on your lap, will tell you when you need a bathroom break. You could probably also sit on it, but that might void the warranty.
Or how about a phone that’ll start vibrating wildly in your hand if it senses it doesn’t have your undivided attention?
How about a telephone that’ll beep loudly in your ear whenever you use the phrases “my bad,” “dude” (unless on the West Coast) or repeat the filler sound “uh” too many times during one conversation?
This can be customized depending on age group, so parents can teach their children proper language skills by beeping whenever the kids use a word that isn’t in the dictionary.
It’ll set off alarms if the kid ever uses abbreviations like BFF without explaining to an adult what the hell that means.
The volume on my Lazy Phone would also be automatically lowered if the person on the other end suddenly goes into a soliloquy of more than two minutes about any topic that’s personal in nature, including — but not limited to — kids, job, the weather or vacations.
This phone would go mute altogether if a buddy calls to discuss his fantasy football team, a fantasy girlfriend or a fantastic weekend.
And, of course, my Lazy line would be made in America by temporary workers hired part time so the manufacturer can avoid paying benefits.
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Okay, why did I write such a silly column today?
Because the next few weeks you will be inundated with endless coverage — from me and everyone else — about government shutdowns, debt ceilings, Federal budget deficits, spending cuts, entitlements, Obamacare, employment reports and the end of America as we know it.
So I thought we all could use a break. (Where’s a good A-Rod scandal when you need a distraction?)
And since there’s no Smart Pause in everyday life, I guess you could tune out the stuff going on in Washington. But don’t!
In the end, our politicians will be forced to come up with another temporary solution. The debt limit will be raised (since the other option, default, isn’t a real choice) in exchange for more spending cuts and maybe even a change to Obamacare.
As tedious and monotonous as this Washington stuff may be, it’ll affect all of us and generations to come. America has a chance to look very foolish in the months ahead. Hopefully, Washington will give us a break and come to its senses.