Mia Farrow will not be ignored.
The doe-eyed actress has long hidden her chronic nuttiness behind the facade of a Hollywood-issue Mother Teresa, adopting and raising a huge brood of needy orphans from around the world.
But now, romantics and child lovers, that life is over. It’s time for Mia’s Revenge.
More than 20 years ago, Farrow learned that Woody Allen, her partner who hinted at trouble by casting Mia in humiliating movie roles (a cuckolded narcissist in “Hannah and Her Sisters’’?) — a guy she never lived with, and only rarely loved — was conducting a torrid affair with her adopted daughter, Soon-Yi Previn.
It’s gross.
But two decades after discovering Woody’s illicit fixation on her kid who was like his own daughter, Mia has gone off the rails. She’s exhumed a conveniently dead superstar to whom she was once married — and announced that he, not Woody, just might be the father of her biological son, Ronan Farrow.
It’s Frank Sinatra!
Problem is, Ol’ Blue Eyes not only can’t speak up for himself, he would have been a geriatric 71 at the time Mia’s son, and Frank’s alleged heir, entered the world screaming.
Now, Woody is a celebrated New York perv who shouldn’t be allowed to look at Mia’s daughters, let alone get close to them. Or marry one.
But more than two decades after Mia found naked pictures of her girl hidden in her man’s stuff, why change the sire of your kid’s dad?
Woody and Soon-Yi seem happily married, with adopted kids of their own. After spending time in social exile, the cracked pair is busy making the scene, showing up at A-list events like Alec Baldwin’s wedding. And proving, along with their new bestie, that even the most hurtful behavior aimed at your own family can be forgiven, with fame and time.
But Mia continues to harbor a fatal attraction against Woody.
Mia laid the Sinatra bombshell on Vanity Fair magazine, suggesting that Ronan, whom from birth she called her sole biological child with Woody, just might be the son of Sinatra, who married Mia when she was a pup of 21, then threw her over in 1968 when she refused to quit acting.
Compared to Woody, this was a loving mate.
This is a guy with whom Mia says she had an ongoing affair, cheating on Woody (ha!) throughout their 1980-to-1992 relationship.
What a crock.
Were Ronan possibly Frank’s kid, he would be DNA-tested faster than you can say, “I love you/I hate you!’’ Give it up, Mia. Woody is yesterday’s trash.
Mia’s warped view of reality became apparent during a bruising 1993 trial in Manhattan in which she and Woody fought over custody of their three children together: adopted son Moses and adopted daughter Dylan, plus Ronan.
Mia, who played it prim in plaid skirt on the witness stand, had a frighteningly surly side. One exhibit shown briefly in court was a picture of the Farrow children that Mia sent to Woody — with stakes driven through their hearts. Scary. But understandable.
We learned that Mia continued filming “Husbands and Wives,’’ directed by Woody, even after finding those suggestive snaps of her daughter. I guess doing a role in an Allen movie trumps even the basest treachery of a lover.
Soon-Yi claimed at the time that Mia treated her adopted kids like indentured servants, and her biological ones like humans.
Mia alleged that Allen inappropriately touched their adopted daughter, Dylan. Did he? Or didn’t he? Dylan says yes. But prosecutors near Mia’s Connecticut home never charged him with a crime.
One thing is certain: Dylan and Ronan hate Woody to the core of their beings.
I’m no family therapist. But I don’t think at this late date that Mia should be dragging her children into her epic, 20-year, earth-scorching revenge fantasy, along with the rest of us.
Ronan’s blue eyes may resemble Sinatra’s. But he also looks like a clone of Mia.
‘Skeleton’ crew hardly bare bones
The White House is sharing the pain. Ahead of the government shutdown, the Executive Office of the President was cutting its staff to a “skeleton’’ crew of 436 employees — with 1,256 workers taking furloughs!
What do all these people do?
I don’t begrudge the president a large workforce, with advisers, senior advisers, deputy advisers, junior advisers, dishwashers and plumbers.
But do we ever really need to pay three full-time calligraphers between $86,000 and $97,000, as we did last year?
That $277,000 could buy lots of health care.
Shel is plane wrong
Call it “Air Shelly.’’
Arrogant, entitled and racking up a ton of frequent-flier miles, Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver routinely flies from the city to Albany via Washington, at a cost of more than $20,000 over two years.
Meanwhile his government-issue ex-cop driver — Shelly’s spokesman calls him a “security person who also happens to drive’’ — earns $79,350 in salary plus a $24,192 pension, tailing Silver to the state capital, The Post’s Candice Giove reported.
(His spokesman insists the security man/wheel man comes to Albany “not every week.’’)
It wouldn’t be so aggravating were Shelly to actually do something useful, other than arrange hefty state payoffs to women who claim they were sexually harassed, which Silver has done at least three times over the years.
Ground this man.
Welcome to NY – skin city
The city is gearing up for a fight — for your human right to show cleavage.
It’s come to this. In an age when parents try to persuade kids to cover their navels or hike up pants above backside level, the city’s Human Rights Commission is aghast over signs posted in Williamsburg’s Satmar-owned shops: “Entrance here only for those with modest attire. No Shorts. No Barefoot. No Sleeveless. NO Low Cut Neckline ALLOWED IN THIS STORE.’’
Well, an administrative judge has just ruled that this silly case should be settled at a costly trial. It won’t change the Satmars. But it proves that city government, which should be fighting bike lanes or something, is the true ally of bare flesh.
Fatter despite weight watcher
Chances are good you are, or will be, a porker. Despite Mayor Bloomberg’s war on fat, nearly one in four adults in the city is obese — up from about one in five when the Chief Nanny took office in 2002.
The administration, which banned trans fats in restaurants, slashed school-lunch portions and forced chain eateries to post calorie counts, blamed a usual suspect for this epic failure: soda. “Despite recent declines, sugary-drink consumption remains far higher today than it was in the 1970s, when the obesity epidemic began to surge,’’ said a Health Department spokesman.
It might help if the consumption police would preach moderation, not starvation.