How many bad movies were there in 2013? So many that the Post’s chief film critic Lou Lumenick and film critic Kyle Smith couldn’t even fit “The Smurfs 2,” “Admission,” “Runner Runner” and “The Internship” on their 10 worst list. Here are their least favorite films of the year:
Lou’s # 10: “Wolf of Wall Street”
OK Marty Scorsese, we get that you can stage out-of-control partying that outdoes anything Todd Phillips might come up with in “The Hangover,’’ Parts 1 to 3 combined. How about a nice little costume drama next time out?
Kyle’s #10: “A Good Day to Die Hard”
Boring, blaring and as ugly as Chernobyl, where the murky climax takes place, this one finds John McClane hurtling through Russia to save his CIA-employed son (Jai Courtney) from certain death. When he tosses out another “Yippee-ki-yay,” you just want to say, “Bruce, give it a rest.”
Lou’s #9: “The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug”
Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman, please stick with TV’s “Sherlock.’’ Wake me up when Part 3 is over.
Kyle’s #9: “The Mortal Instruments: The City of Bones”
Lily Collins, who was also in one of last year’s worst movies, “Mirror Mirror,” this time stars in the first, and now last, film of the new young-adult fantasy series. This garbled plot is stuffed with so many vampires, demons, werewolves, runes, crypts, warriors, weapons and witches that it’s as if the author felt she had to check every box on the list of stuff that goes into tweener novels and couldn’t leave anything out.
Lou’s #8: “The Fifth Estate”
The only thing worse than Julian Assange himself is Benedict Cumberbatch hamming it up as Assange. Basically “The Social Network’’ minus all of the fun parts.
Kyle’s #8: “21 and Over”
“The Hangover” writers go back to college in an insipid ripoff of their own idea that thinly links far too many episodes of drinking, vomiting and chucking an Asian sidekick out of various buildings.
Lou’s #7: “Oz: The Great and Powerful”
Co-directed by Sam Raimi and Disney’s lawyers (lest anyone infringe the copyright of the 1939 classic), this charmless 3-D, uh, variation does everything wrong, beginning with James Franco’s smug wizard and Zach Braff as a flying monkey.
Kyle’s #7: “Getaway”
Stayaway from this big-screen take on “Grand Theft Auto,” with Ethan Hawke as a retired race car driver ordered by a mysterious voice to steal a Mustang from a brat (Selena Gomez). A meaningless salad of chase imagery follows in which the only rule is that everybody else’s vehicle goes splat.
Lou’s #6: “The Big Wedding”
I’ve a sneaking suspicion that next week’s “Grudge Match’’ is even worse, but I’m not going to stick around to find out whether it’s Robert De Niro’s nadir for 2013. Watching him bed-hopping with Diane Keaton and Susan Sarandon was painful enough, thank you very much.
Kyle’s #6: “Gangster Squad”
One of the first films of the year was also one of the worst, with Sean Penn giving the most embarrassing performance of his life as the leader of gangland 1949 Los Angeles up against an honest cop played by Ryan Gosling. It meant to be “The Untouchables,” but turned out to be “The Unwatchables.”
Lou’s #5: “Star Trek Into Darkness”
I liked the “Star Trek’’ reboot a lot, but this lame follow-up was really inexcusable. And not telling audiences that Benedict Cumberbatch was playing the most famous villain in the franchise’s history? That didn’t work out too well, did it?
Kyle’s #5: “The Hangover, Part III”
There isn’t a drunken spree this time, just a lifeless plot set in motion by taking Alan (Zach Galifianakis) to rehab. Don’t ask me to choose between “Hangover” II and III. That would be like asking a mother to choose between her children — assuming she hated her children, never wanted to see them again and wished they’d never been born in the first place.
Lou’s #4: “The Lone Ranger”
Johnny Depp and director Gore Verbinski made this movie before. It was called “Rango.’’ It was better. Much, much better. Basically, this is a train wreck about a train wreck.
Kyle’s #4: “The Big Wedding”
Four Oscar winners (Robert De Niro, Diane Keaton, Susan Sarandon and Robin Williams) star in a desperately crude romcom. De Niro is introduced giving oral pleasure to his girlfriend (Sarandon), Katherine Heigl throws up on him, and things get even more cringe-inducing from there.
Lou’s #3: “The Canyons”
What do you get when you combine a spaced-out Lindsay Lohan, impassive adult film star James Deen and long-ago “Taxi Driver’’ writer Paul Schrader at his most pretentious for this Hollywood fable? A lot more ennui than most normal moviegoers could handle.
Kyle’s #3: “Dead Man Down”
Colin Farrell plays a New Yorker who, after the mob tries to muscle him out of his apartment and kills his wife, hatches what has to be the nuttiest revenge scheme since that lady astronaut drove cross-country in a diaper to kidnap her man’s new girl. He decides he’s going to infiltrate their gang, even though they already meant to kill him (but never got around to it).
Lou’s #2: “After Earth”
Fading superstar Will Smith (Hello, “Independence Day 2’’!) supports his sullen real-life son Jaden in this megabucks vanity project — the worst of this year’s many apocalyptic films. It quickly crashed and burned.
Kyle’s #2: “The Incredible Burt Wonderstone”
Steve Carell seems determined to make his comedy career go poof in this would-be spoof of Las Vegas magicians like Siegfried and Roy and Criss Angel. The title character is such a charmless jerk that it’s impossible to care about his fall from the top.
Lou’s #1: “Movie 43”
Try as I might, I’ll probably never forget the spectacle of Kate Winslet trying not to look at the testicles hanging from Hugh Jackman’s . . . neck. Or Halle Berry making guacamole with one of her breasts. This aggressively awful all-star sketch comedy was the first movie to get minus four stars from me. It’s replaced “Gigli’’ as the gold standard for bad movies.
Kyle’s #1: “R.I.P.D.”
Really an amazing freeway crash of a movie, this mashup of elements from “Ghostbusters” and “Men in Black” features one of Jeff Bridges’s worst-ever performances as an undead Wild West lawman who teams up with rookie Ryan Reynolds on a heavenly police force sent to round up undead evildoers stalking the Earth and kill them for good, this time with what looks like a gun loaded with pingpong balls. The climax involves a doohickey that makes it rain with the corpses of everyone who has ever died, or almost as many stiffs as there are Ryan Reynolds flops.