Now that all of TV’s executive producer lemmings have determined we’re unable to watch sports without simultaneously reading and/or hearing stacks of “enlightening statistics” — many that only distract and mislead, others that are just ridiculous — it’s time to consider the process through which TV hires those who provide such info before it appears.
[See: stats for “Willie Mayes” and “Carl Ripken, Jr.”, as per TNT’s 2012 MLB playoffs telecasts]
What, other than being someone’s nephew or knowing all games now end in “walk-off” somethings or other, does it take to land such a significant, front-and-center TV position?
One can imagine the interview process:
Q: Do you know how to tie your shoes?
A: Mine all have Velcro straps.
Q: Can you work weekends?
A: Yes.
Q: When can you start?
The reasonable assumption that because ESPN specialized in sports it could and would distinguish relevance from nonsense and even provide historical context was years ago shattered. And, unless you believe Bobby Thomson’s “Shot Heard ‘Round The World” was a “walk-off to win the 1951 NLCS” (no fooling!), you know ESPN remains only occasionally familiar with sports.
But surely, the MLB Network, with only baseball to study, would uphold its tacit, namesake promise to separate the chaff from the wheat. However…
From Tuesday night through Wednesday morning, an MLBN graphic repeatedly reported Tuesday’s Nationals’ loss to the Marlins meant this to both Washington starter Stephen Strasburg and to us: “Strasburg: 1st loss vs. Miami since July, 2013.”
Why was this significant? It wasn’t. I checked — and checked and checked. There was no relevance to this stat, nothing to take from it, nothing. Last season he was 2-1 against the Marlins with a 5.48 ERA. And it’s not as if the Marlins’ roster hasn’t changed.
Thus, MLBN reported nothing as something — for roughly 13 consecutive hours.
Early in Thursday’s Game 1 of Flyers-Rangers, the Rangers were on a power play when Sam Rosen was moved to tell us the Flyers are seventh best in the NHL at killing penalties, “but second on the road in the regular season.”
Years ago, Rosen wouldn’t have parroted such info, likely because it wasn’t available or wasn’t deemed interruption and/or attention-worthy. Today? Any stat, any time.
Regardless, what did it mean? The Flyers are far better at killing penalties on the road than at home? Cut it out. It was just a number accumulated within other accumulated numbers accumulated by 30 teams, then presented as considerable.
Does anyone think Flyers coach Craig Berube in any way found that stat useful? “OK, fellas, we’re second in road penalty killing. So let’s go out there and high-stick, cross-check, interfere, ring Jimmy Dolan’s doorbell and run — whatever it takes to be penalized!”
The Rangers, on six power plays, would score twice. The Flyers, no doubt, are now last in the NHL in road penalty killing during the playoffs.
Same night, on YES, the Yankees pulled off an around-the-horn triple play. Within moments, YES presented this graphic: “First [Yankees’] triple-play since April, 12, 2013.”
What did that mean? The Yankees were due? Such a rarity hadn’t occurred in a whole year?
Had it instead read, “Last” or “previous” triple-play was April 12, 2013, it would have made sense. But it likely was pre-loaded then quickly posted because it was programmed to be open to misinterpretation.
Friday afternoon, all afternoon, an MLBN graphic told us the Angels’ Mike Trout has a hit in five of his last six games. That’s good to know, I suppose.
Q: Who is Tommy John?
A: A surgeon.
Lacing up the ‘Clown’ shoes for old time’s sake
Not sure why I’m bothering you with this, but with the NFL Draft on May 8, we keep hearing one of the top three picks will be South Carolina’s Jadeveon Clowney. And that makes me giggle.
Not that a guy named Mushnick can make fun of anyone’s last name, but for those of us over, say, 58, who grew up watching NYC TV, Clowney is a special name.
“Clowny” was the blank-faced hand-puppet that appeared weekday evenings on Ch. 9 within the low-budgeted “Terrytoon Circus.” It was hosted, in the late 1950s into the mid-1960s, by “Ringmaster” Claude Kirchner, who Clowny called “Skinny Bones.”
At the close of every show — and they ended early, 6:30 or 7 p.m. — Kirchner would give the time, then add, “It’s time for all good little boys and girls to got to bed.”
Bed?! The kids in the neighborhood agreed that that line was sillier than anything that came out of Clowny. Now Clowney’s a Top 3 draft pick!
‘Good Guy’ honor set for Ingles
Ed Ingles, former sports director at WCBS Radio, current radio instructor emeritus at Hofstra and a friend and mentor to all — especially those in need of one or both — will be honored with the Mike Cohen Memorial Good Guy Award at Tuesday’s Met College Basketball Awards Dinner at the Westchester Marriott.
Follow the TV money: Flyers-Rangers, Round 1. First four games in eight days, including today’s — a noon start, on Easter Sunday. Then — if it goes seven — three games in four days. Games 6 and 7 would be on consecutive nights, home and away.
Al Sharpton’s shady, creepy pre-Tawana Brawley past has caught up with him. Years ago, when Sharpton, who stood out for his long hair, enormous gut and gaudy jewelry, was a regular hanger-on at big-deal boxing news conferences, uninitiated media would ask who he is. The initiated answered, “Don King’s ticket-scalper.”
ESPN Radio national updater Jay Reynolds on Friday played John Sterling’s call from the night before, a call that concluded with, “a triple play that ends the inning!” To which Reynolds deadpanned, “as the vast majority of triple plays tend to do.”
This football season, Syracuse will wear three new, Nike attitude-enriched uniforms and helmets, none designed to have you think of the Orange as orange.
Diminished standards: Vikings star running back Adrian Peterson, who has fathered at least five children by as many women and has been cited for reckless driving — once for doing 109 mph in a 55 — now appears on the front of Wheaties boxes.
Reader Michael S. Duncan wonders why Mike Francesa had John Calipari in studio Monday, other than to have Calipari listen to Francesa interrupt or answer his own questions.