Music

Is ‘Rude’ by Magic! the worst No.1 song ever?

Sorry, Magic!, but I’m gonna have to be “Rude.”

Last week, the Canadian band’s current single finally hit No. 1 on the Billboard chart, dethroning Iggy Azalea and Charli XCX’s “Fancy” from their deserved place at the top. It should be considered a low point not only for 2014, but in the history of music.

“Rude” is just awful, a flaccid, boring slice of lightweight reggae that sounds like it was written to be heard in a dentist’s waiting room. The similarly banal lyrics concern a guy who seeks his girlfriend’s dad’s permission to marry her, only to be turned down. Pops did the right thing, because no self-respecting parent would want their child associating with the singer of a tepid reggae-fusion band. What would the neighbors say?

Music shouldn’t blend into the background like this. It should stand out, grab you by the throat and force you into a reaction of some kind. But “Rude” is one of those songs that you forget is even playing after 10 seconds.

It has to rank as one of the worst No. 1s ever — and here are six of the worst from history to compare it to.

‘Ebony and Ivory,’ Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder (1982)

With one Beatle and the guy who, during the course of the 1970s, released some of the greatest pop music known to man, it should have been a recipe for something astonishing. But instead came this patronizing rubbish about how racial divisions could be conquered by using the keys on a piano as an example of unity.

A syrupy trivialization of a serious issue by two people who should know much better. And the song blows, too.

‘We Are the World,’ USA for Africa (1985)

Yes, it was for a good cause (famine relief in Africa), but did you ever listen to that awful song? A cluster of celebrities and bloated egos singing the most generalized sentiments imaginable.

There truly isn’t a sincere line in the whole song. Millions of copies were sold, but almost everyone bought it out of obligation and kept it as far from their record player as humanly possible.

‘Macarena,’ Los Del Rio (1995)

Dance crazes come and go and the “Macarena” might have been more tolerable if it had been a little more short-lived. But against the laws of logic and good taste, it remained No. 1 for 14 weeks.

It was the song of the summer for drunken college girls, but for the rest of us, “Macarena” felt more like a nuclear winter.

‘Butterfly,’ Crazy Town (2000)

For anyone who thought the Red Hot Chili Peppers didn’t suck enough, Los Angeles band Crazy Town filled the gap with this nu-metal knock-off. Just listen to frontmen “Shifty” and “Epic” rap like yapping dogs barking politely at each other. Horrific.

‘You’re Beautiful,’ James Blunt (2005)

Those rhyming-dictionary lyrics, the cloying acoustic guitar and Blunt’s whiny voice all make listening to “You’re Beautiful” sound like some tiny sadist has invaded your inner ear and is stabbing your cochlea with a heated needle.

Blunt continually gets abuse for this song (and his many other musical crimes), but be warned, anyone trolling him on Twitter will be brutally, and quite brilliantly, cut down to size.

‘I Gotta Feeling,’ Black Eyed Peas (2009)

Repetition is key in pop music, but “I Gotta Feeling” takes ridiculous liberties. Will.i.am repeats “I got a feeling, that tonight’s gonna be a good night” over and over again for the first minute and a half, throws in random Jewish phrases and, at one point, simply lists the days of the week.

For the lyrics alone, this monstrosity deserves to be buried in the center of the Earth.