For the month of June, my entire dating world turned upside-down. Every man I liked on Tinder liked me back. Whenever I opened my OkCupid profile, I’d find flirty, fun messages from attractive, age-appropriate men. I found myself getting picked up at the coffee shop and at yoga class. My phone buzzed with texts from dates the week before, and my calendar was full of rendezvous with new romantic prospects.
I didn’t magically turn into a supermodel or suddenly decide to heed advice from a matchmaker. I’d simply spent the month in Dublin, Ireland, rather than in New York. For whatever reason, Dublin seemed to be my “dating city” — the magical Shangri-La where the guys I liked actually liked me back.
Many single New York women believe the dating grass is greener pretty much anywhere else — and, in large part, they’re not wrong. A 2014 Facebook study found that major metropolitan cities, including New York, had the largest population of singles. And the dearth of eligible fellas in Manhattan has even prompted savvy startups: Last spring, entrepreneur Lauren Kay launched a program to fly single New York women to Silicon Valley to try their luck in the testosterone-fueled dating pool.
But is it all about demographics? While that theory is tempting, it’s not that simple. Melissa, a 29-year-old public relations professional (who asked that her last name not be used) met her now-fiancé just weeks after moving to Atlanta. “It wasn’t that there were more single men — it was just that I liked the men there so much better,” she explains. “Unlike the men I’d been dating for the past five years in New York, I felt like a lot of the men I met in my age demographic [in Atlanta] were interested in settling down on the same timeline I was on.”
And that, experts say, is key in finding the best attraction city for you. “You can’t just head to a city that has more men, statistically, but doesn’t have a culture or vibe you’re attracted to,” cautions New York matchmaker Amy Laurent. “For example, Portland [Oregon] has a lot of men, but if you know you want a suit [-and-tie] type, that might not be the best place to go.”
Another major factor: When you head to a new city, you’re subconsciously putting your best self out there. “Your first day in a new city is like your first day at a new school,” says Amy Spencer, author of the dating book “Meeting Your Half-Orange.” “Because everything is new, the world feels full of more possibilities and people.”
And even though Irish accents are amazing, you don’t necessarily have to book a trip abroad to find a spark. Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of “Love in 90 Days,” says the trick is to simply shake up your hometown routine. “Signing up for a class or heading to a cafe in a different neighborhood gives you a change in perspective and allows you to meet people you haven’t otherwise encountered,” she explains.
So try being the new girl for a bit — and you may just find yourself being a new girlfriend.