TALE OF TWO SHOWS: The women of “The Real” (above) rock the format, while Kris Jenner is a flop as a talk show host. Both summer tryout shows premiered yesterday. (Michael Rozman/Warner Bros.)
TALE OF TWO SHOWS: The women of “The Real” (above) rock the format, while Kris Jenner is a flop as a talk show host. Both summer tryout shows premiered yesterday. (Michael Rozman/Warner Bros.)
TALE OF TWO SHOWS: The women of “The Real” rock the format, while Kris Jenner (inset) is a flop as a talk show host. Both summer tryout shows premiered yesterday. (
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When is it time to talk, and when is it time to shut up and go away?
Yesterday, Fox launched two summer test-run talk shows, “Kris” at 11:00 a.m. and “The Real,”at noon.
“Kris,” hosted by Kris Jenner, is so horrible it should come with a hazard warning — while “The Real” is so good, you may want it to stick around past the summer.
Let’s get to the bad news first. It was immediately apparent that Jenner, the Mother of All Relentless Self-Promoters, has as much business with a talk show as her big, talentless bore-of-a-daughter, Khloe, had co-hosting a talent show like “The X Factor.”
That being said, everything about this horrible show that she co-produces is wrong — from the set, which is a Radio City-sized recreation of her own home’s “foy-yay,” as she repeatedly says, to her choice of first rotating co-host, Cameron Mathison to Kris herself — who comes across as a spoiled, vacuous woman with nothing to say of any interest, importance or humor.
Despite her proclamations that “Kris” would not be about her and her kids, it was in fact 75 percent just that. In fact, for the first 15 minutes of the show, she described how she got daughter Kim Kardashian to the hospital when she was in labor. I needed a hospital by the time she finished. It was stimulation dehydration.
The tedious, name-dropping saga involved a “Good Day LA” limo ride and details of how Kim just had to find Steve Wozniak, (co-founder of Apple), before she delivered, how Kris herself wasn’t wearing underwear and what sounded like a primer on how to hide from the paparazzi. She then cooked with Rocco DiSpirito and proceeded to flirt with him like a demented Norma Desmond.
While sucking clams and pasta with Rocco, Kris topped it off with cheese via Italian pop-op group il Volo, who serenaded her in a cringe-inducing segment so horrifying it could scare small children.
Hopefully Kris was wearing underwear by then, because the next segment involved the always-riveting how-to’s of buying underwear.
As soul-sucking (as opposed to clam sucking) as “Kris” turned out to be, “The Real,” which followed, was more like soul food for the brain.
“The Real” stars five ethnic co-hosts— hilarious comedian Loni Love, realty star/singer Tamar Braxton, actress Tamera Mowry-Housley, singer/actress Adrienne Bailon and stylist Jeannie Mai. The group is everything that Jenner is not.
They are fun, funny, involved in life, outrageous by nature, warm and, most of all, real — which is why the show is called “The Real,” I presume.
Here’s how the two shows handled similar segments: Kris gave away il Volo CDs and Twinkies. “The Real” dames gave away a Louis Vuitton purse filled with outrageous things like breast-milk-flavored lollipops (I’ll pass thanks).
Kris had an underwear segment with models who were fully dressed — while “The Real” women tried on butt bras and bras that have wine bags attached. “The Real” is so much fun that if Jenner could still frown, she’d be doing that right now.