In 1922, Emily Post advised young girls being introduced to “polite society” at a debutante ball to say to their friends: “What a pretty frock you have on.” But never, under any circumstances, to ask “Where did you get it?”
That would be, of course, in “very bad taste.”
This archaic world of debutante balls brings to mind Civil War era Scarlett O’Hara swooning as her corset is pulled taut, but it still exists for today’s members of “polite society.” In fact, the International Debutante Ball, held biannually since 1954 at the Waldorf Astoria, is still considered the “highlight of the winter social season,” according to Margaret Hedberg, general chairman and director of the ball, who’s overseen it for the last 27 years.
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And this Wednesday, 30 young women from six countries and 11 US states will “bow” at 11 p.m. sharp in the Waldorf’s grand ballroom, offering themselves as the newest crop of would-be socialites.
Among them is the descendant of two signers of the Declaration of Independence and a president of the Continental Congress; the daughter of a former president of the American Stock Exchange; and the granddaughter of a former senator from Virginia.
Which is not to say these ladies aren’t accomplished in their own right.
For example: Hadley Marie Nagel, 19, from the Upper East Side, has a two-page resume detailing (among other things) her authorship of a bill to create a federal monument of James Madison, which is currently before the House of Representatives.
“He’s the only founding father without a federal monument. He wrote the Bill of Rights!” the fair-skinned redhead says. “I sort of have a crush on him,” she adds, laughing.
Kathleen DeMarse, only 18, already has seven documentaries and short films to her name. She also spent last summer volunteering at a school in Botswana.
And then there’s Emily Weber, 22, of Houston, who in her spare time as a sophomore at Trinity College, tutors local students in the Hartford area. That is, when she’s not writing for the Trinity Tripod newspaper.
But of late, she’s been spending time perfecting the famous Texas Dip in her dorm room. The Dip — a time honored tradition reserved for debutantes from Texas — is a bow so deep that the girls’ hairdos nearly touch the floor. Their dresses form a silken plume around them as they descend.
“I’ve been trying to practice, but there isn’t enough room in my dorm to really do one right,” says Weber. “I have to push the table aside in the living room to make space.”
The original purpose of debutante balls was to introduce women of marriageable age to suitable bachelors. Today, laughs, Hedberg, “it’s no longer a marriage mart. Deb balls survive because people love the tradition — like a hot dog eating contest!”
That tradition includes both a civilian and military escort for the young ladies, who proceed onto the stage with the two gentlemen and are then “announced” to the ballroom. The girls curtsy, bow or dip, and then return to their tables for more dancing and
revelry. The International Debutante Ball is one of a host held in the city each winter, including the Infirmary Ball, which benefits the New York Eye and Ear Infirmary; The Junior Assemblies; The Thanksgiving Eve Ball, held by the New York Junior League; and the Annual Debutante Ball and Reception, held by the Society of Mayflower Descendants, among others.
“I’m all for women’s lib,” says Hedberg, “but my mother always said, ‘A woman is like a diamond — she needs a nice setting.’ ”
The International Ball has “debuted” the granddaughters or great granddaughters of Presidents Eisenhower, Nixon, Johnson, and the elder Bush, as well as the daughters of a bevy of European princes, dukes, and and barons. To attend the ball, girls must be accepted by Hedberg, which usually requires being recommended by a past debutante. But, says Hedberg, young ladies are rarely turned away. That is, so long as they’ve got $14,000 — the amount required to buy a table for family and friends. (Proceeds go toward the Soldiers, Sailors, Marines, Coast Guard and Airmen’s Club.)
Oh, and there’s also the four figures needed to buy a designer bridal gown — Vera Wang, Amsale, Carolina Herrera, take your pick — which is essentially what debutantes wear. But, says mother Elisabeth DeMarse, who was a debutante in St. Louis, this might be her only chance to see her adverturous, outdoorsy daughter, Kathleen, in a white ball gown.
“I’m not sure she’ll want a big-deal wedding,” she says. “She’ll probably be off in Africa next thing I know.”