Hondo showed some flickering signs of life last week, bagging seven winners to increase his win total to 36 — a tad more than five per. Thus it’s with renewed swagger he plunges into Week 8 with the following:
Giants over Eagles: There’s no stopping Big Blue now that Eli found a way to go a whole game without throwing a pick and Justin Tuck, formerly known as Mr. Half-Sack, was able to triple his total to 1.5.
BarkingMut of the SoBe Muts points out before Justin Tuck brought down the Vikings’ Josh Freeman Monday night, the most famous person to have half a sack was Tupac Shakur.
With the Giants having registered their 2013 virginal victory, an ecstatic Prince Amukamara says he can’t believe how great it feels to have that first one under his belt.
Jets over Bengals: It’s Week 8, so it should be a letdown game for Jets — they win in the odd weeks, lose in the evens. However, even though Bengwads’ QB Andy Dalton is consistently in the red zone, Mr. Aitch is counting on the Gang to break their cycle of mediocrity against a team they have beaten in nine of their last 10 meetings. And best of all, they probably won’t have to rely on a cheesy penalty at the end.
49ers over Jaguars: Hondo hears Obama had good reason for being so late for Monday’s Rose Garden speech on healthcare.gov, the $634 million total failure of a website — he was busy choreographing the fainting scene with his background props.
Cowboys over Lions: BarkingMut on the faint-hearted woman in the Rose Garden: “The last person in Washington sharing a stage with Obama to collapse as quickly as the pregnant woman did behind him this week, was John Boehner in the last days of the government shutdown.”
Chiefs over Browns: The Redskins aren’t the only team with name issues. Rumor has it Al “The Pantload” Roker wants the name “Browns” changed, because it’s offensive to all those who soil their underwear.
Saints over Bills: Kennedy cousin and convicted killer Michael “Six-Iron” Skakel was granted a new murder trial in the Martha Moxley case on the grounds he wasn’t adequately represented in the first trial. Apparently, his lawyer didn’t focus enough on Skakel’s airtight alibi: He claimed he was pleasuring himself in a tree outside the victim’s house. Well, OK then, case dismissed.
Prosecution lawyers in the Skakel case intend to appeal Judge Thomas Bishop’s ruling, figuring if Skakel can do it, they can beat the Bishop, too.
Dolphins over Patriots: Obviously, the “push play” works, because no less a genius than Bill Belichick used it, but could someone explain how having a defensive lineman loop behind a teammate and push him into a 300-pound offensive lineman is going to have any effect on a field-goal attempt?
Steelers over Raiders: According to a personal finance website, today’s college graduates won’t be able to retire until they are 73 years old. That’s assuming they can get a fulltime job and be lucky enough to escape the ObamaCare death panels.
Redskins over Broncos: NBC announced this week it is canceling its remake of “Ironside” after only three episodes. That’s as bad a rollout as ObamaCare.
Falcons over Cardinals: This is a risky choice, because you don’t want to give Atlanta coach Mike Smith two weeks to prepare — it only gives him more time to screw up the game plan. However, that concern should be offset by the gross ineptitude of Carson Palmer.
Vikings over Packers: Federal air marshal Adam Bartsch was arrested last week for taking pictures up women’s skirts as they boarded a plane at Nashville Airport. According to the story, TSA agents are assisting with the investigation — probably because they want to strip-search the victims.
Seahawks over Rams: This just in: Barneys will be holding a white sale all weekend — bring the whole klan.
BEST BETS: 49ers, Cowboys, Saints.
THURSDAY NIGHT: Bucs.