Entertainment

BOYS’ NIGHT OUT

CONCEPT: Wherein four big shots who run multi-national conglomerates spend an inordinate amount of time hanging around each other saying “penis.”

While that pretty much sums it up, you might also like to know that “Big Shots” (premiering tonight) seems to be ABC’s attempt to clone “Desperate Housewives” into a dramedy about (for?) men. Interesting that when the suits at ABC think women they think desperation, and when they think men they think power. But if the pilot is any indication of what’s to come, this one doesn’t look like it will appeal much to either the powerful or the desperate.

“Big Shots,” another over-the-top series about rich people, centers around the lives of four men – James (Michael Vartan), Brody (Christopher Titus), Karl (Joshua Malina) and Duncan (Dylan McDermott) – who constantly meet up at their country club to say wise-ass things to each other while offering unflinching support in a manly “go screw yourself” kinda way. They are a fearsome foursome – with intimacy issues.

For example, while discussing parties and pastries, one of the CEOs snipes, “Men are the new women.” What he should have said is “Men are the new trannies,” since here we have yet another series plot about a powerful man doing the nasty with a tranny. That’s two ABC shows – “Big Shots,” and “Dirty Sexy Money” – with the same laugh-riot subplot for two nights in a row.

For no reason whatsoever, the word “penis” is also said four times within the first 10 minutes, apparently to make the show “edgy.” Right. Like any man, CEO or otherwise, ever used that anatomically correct word when making wise-ass remarks. But even when it isn’t being used for a smart-alecky comment, the humor-challenged writers manage to slip it in anyway, as in “I have to switch off my penis . . . I mean my phone.” Oh man, tough.

The show opens at the country club, of course. James’ boss, Walter, gets killed by a golf cart which of course leads to all kinds of complications because Walter had a jewelry box on him. When it’s returned to Walter’s widow at the open-casket wake, which is also inexplicably held at the country club, one of the fearsome foursome sees his own wife fingering the necklace. Yes – she was having an affair with dead Walter!

This, of course, happens to the one Big Shot that’s happily married. The oth ers are misera ble. One is cheating on his wife with the voluptuous Marla (Jessica Collins), and carries her thong around in his pocket (eeeyew!), another is in trouble for getting busted at a truckstop with the tranny and the fourth is so whipped he throws a giant party for his wife so she’ll have sex with him that night.

Terrific cast, some fun, but overall the writing is often as dead as Walter.

“Big Shots”
Tonight at 10 on ABC