So, where do we begin to day’s NBA installment of Pinhead Wizards?
Well, I guess we might want to start with Gilbert Arenas being charged with a felony for carrying an unlicensed gun outside his residence or place of business, an offense that could get him five years in prison.
Arenas faced being charged with a possible 20 years for admittedly packing four guns into his Verizon Center locker. Cop to one, get three free, a plea bargain that evidently cut to the chase and gets Wild Gil before a D.C. judge today. The plea bargain, according to a report in The Washington Post, could result in limited or even no time behind bars.
Think this might slow down Arenas’ Twitter fingers a tinge?
Where to next?
That would be Arlington cops getting a warrant to search the crib of Javaris Crittenton for a gun he may or may not have had, which may or may not have been loaded — and other evidence connected to the Verizon Center Dec. 21 incident — and shooting blanks?
Well, if the alleged pistol wasn’t in Crittenton’s home, then obviously it doesn’t exist.
I mean, where else would it be but there?
So much for The Washington Post’s purporting three Wizards witnessed Crittenton slamming a bullet into the chamber of a “silver/chrome-colored semiautomatic with a black handle or similar-like artifact.”
You know, something vaguely resembling a handgun.
Authorities also were looking for — and failed to find, according to Pete White, Crittenton’s attorney — ammunition, holsters, and “any photographs, video footage, or other media depicting the subject posing with a firearm.”
What, no encrypted computer for experts to decode? No clip in a jar by the door alongside Eleanor Rigby’s face? No copies of “The Wire” signed by Marlo Stanfield, Brother Mazoune and Avon Barksdale?
No Biggie Smalls.
We’re just gonna have to wait for Detective Robert Goren to solve this one on “Law & Order: Criminal Intent.”
Say this much for the Pinhead Wizards, they haven’t let their off-court incorrigibles detract from their on-court incompetence. Tuesday night in the Phone Booth, they lost by nine points to the Pistons, who entered with a 13-game losing skid.
Thankfully, things were looking up Wednesday night when they traveled to Atlanta and cleared their minds enough to get summarily snuffed by the Hawks.
“These guys haven’t had a chance to catch their breath since this thing started,” Wizards coach Flip Saunders said with a sigh of relief. “I think everyone was happy to get on the plane last night, to get away, to know that they weren’t going to be summoned to a principal’s office or anything else, to go talk to somebody about something.”
Principal’s office?
That’s how the Wizards’ head coach perceives law enforcement and a grand jury and the magnitude of this matter?
Not to make light of it, but Arenas may want to think about changing his name to Arenaless.
The Most Happy Felon has gone from the Verizon Center to one phone call.
As for the rest of us, we’re off to see the (suspended) Wizard. . . . on visiting day.
* Providentially for coaches Mike D’Antoni and Rick Adelman their teams lucked out Wednesday and won in spite of their philosophies, or else I would devote more than a few passing pot shots at the two careless coaches.
Both the Knicks and Rockets had fouls to give. Both could have all but iced their respective verdicts had they taken them. Both deliberately ignored the opportunity.
On the last possession in Philadelphia, the Knicks, up one, could have fouled Marreese Speights at the eight-second mark, and definitely should have fouled Allen Iverson with two ticks left on the pass off to Rodney Carney in the right corner. Instead, Carney, who had nailed three previous trifectas, got a wide-open look from 3-point land and nearly downed it.
Other than courtside commentator Walt Frazier, not a single soul on Cablevision’s payroll mentioned the Knicks had a foul to give, or pointed out D’Antoni’s propensity not to take it, or remembered that such inaction has cost New York at least two wins in less than 1½ seasons.
If I didn’t know better, I would swear post-game analyst Kelly Tripucka never played the game.
Apparently Adelman doesn’t believe in taking fouls in these types of situations, either. He’s also against fouling an opponent when his team is up three and the game is about to expire.
Don’t take my word for it. That’s what Rockets TV analyst Clyde Drexler, who played for Adelman in Portland, said just before Timberwolves rookie Wayne Ellington was allowed to swish an unmolested 3-pointer with eight seconds to go that sent the game into a third overtime.
File away Adelman’s unwillingness to take that foul for when it’s time to decide between him and Scott Brooks for coaching honors.
While on the subject of the Thunderbolts, DeJuan Blair, drafted No. 37 last June, went for 28 points and 21 boards as the Tim Duncan-less Spurs won in overtime at Oklahoma City.
In the Knicks’ defense, Jordan Hill is resting comfortably.