Enough! Blubbering, bawling mega boob Lindsay Lohan doesn’t deserve a speck of your sympathy or support, nor a dollop of respect. What Linz desperately needs is a swift kick in the teeth, a foot in the backside and a broom with which to clean up her many messes, which I would not touch with a full-body condom.
She’s finished. Over. Once, she was a role model for young ladies, the fresh-faced child star who entered our living rooms and movie theaters with heaps of promise and every opportunity known to man and the creator. Now, she poses a dangerous example to girls everywhere, proving that, with enough money, fame and drugs, one never has to take responsibility for one’s behavior.
These days, she resembles something dragged in on the bottom of my shoe.
LOHAN TAKES IT TO THE TWEET IN WHINY RANT
PHOTOS: LINDSAY LOHAN NOW AND THEN
Even in LA, a town of second, third and 23rd chances, the pathologically spoiled, drug-addled skank finally went too far, which is saying a lot in a place where a judge kissed up to girl-beater Chris Brown, and a jury actually freed OJ Simpson.
Lindsay has been running roughshod over drug, drinking and driving laws almost as long as she’s been alive, thumbing her nose at court-ordered counseling while blaming everyone — counselors, handlers, boy-girl lovers, even her miserable father — for her epic failures as a sentient human.
As the final insult, she came to court on Tuesday with her left middle fingernail stenciled with the height of obscenities — “f – – k u” — which Lindsay aimed squarely at the judge, spectators and the planet in general. It should have been aimed squarely at Lindsay herself.
Enough already!
If Lindsay can’t read, which is seriously in question, I suggest she get someone to recite for her the Department of Labor statistics that reveal that 54 percent — more than one in two! — of adults under age 25 are unemployed. This means that lots of people of Lindsay’s precise age would maim for a single day spent enjoying the perks and opportunities she routinely tosses away like yesterday’s love interest.
Lindsay, whose mother, Dina, may be just a smidge less insufferable than her fair-haired meal ticket, was full of excuses when she came to court. But she could not quite explain away her daughter’s lapses, such as what she was doing in Cannes when she should have been undergoing counseling.
Lindsay’s excuse? She lost her passport and couldn’t come home!
She blamed everyone. Except her own miserable self.
“As far as I had known, I was in compliance,” she told the judge, shocking me with a new defense strategy of mental idiocy. “Had I been taken aside and told [otherwise] then, that would have been a different story.”
We’ve had it. Beverly Hills Judge Marsha Revel spoke for all America when she called Lindsay an insufferable liar.
“She comes and goes as she pleases,” said the judge. “It’s like somebody who cheats doesn’t think they’re cheating until they get caught.”
Then she lowered the boom.
Lindsay’s 90-day sentence should be treated as an overdue wakeup call. But I have every reason to believe Lindsay has learned nothing.
“The system failed her,” estranged dad Michael said, as serious as open-heart surgery, giving a glimpse into the origins of Lindsay’s ruination.
In the crowded LA penal system, it’s unlikely Lindsay will really spend 90 days in jail.
I fear that Lindsay will soon be back on the streets and freeways and in our faces, posing a disgraceful example to young women everywhere who just want to catch an honest break.
There is one sure-fire cure.
Don’t see her movies. Don’t rent her videos. Starve Lindsay Lohan.
It’s the only way.