There are days, weeks and months when you’re destined for success — and others when you’d be better off staying in bed. Luckily, statistics can predict what days those might be. Here are 12 dates to mark on your calendars for 2011 — and don’t say we didn’t warn you!
* JANUARY: Most likely to get fired
People are most likely to get a pink slip in January, late June and mid-August, according to Northeastern University’s Alan Mislove and Technical University of Denmark’s Sune Lehmann, both computer-science professors. They and three other researchers recently studied 300 million tweets from a three-year period, with the results, they say, shedding light on when certain events are likely to happen based on words they find in the tweets.
Meanwhile, late May and the beginning of August are the times when you’re most likely to quit your job, they say.
* FIRST WEEK OF JANUARY: Most stressful week
How’s today going for you? The first week back at work, and in particular the first day back after New Year’s just might be the most stressful, according a 2009 study commissioned by the British charity Royal National Lifeboat Institution. It found that cold weather and the end of the holidays can send people over the edge — especially in the workplace. So how do you counter this feeling? Believe it or not, throwing a tantrum just might do the trick. “Releasing tension through shouting and screaming is a really beneficial way to expel the negative energies caused by stress,” the University of Manchester’s Geoffrey Beattie has said about the study.
* JANUARY: Most likely to workout
More people work out in January, accordng to Mislove and Lehmann. There’s a spike in tweets referencing “working out” immediately after New Year’s, likely due to resolutions to get in shape. After a few months, however, this drops off for a short time before another spike in the spring.
“There’s a resurgence in April and May — presumably to get in shape for swimsuit season,” Lehmann says.
* FEBRUARY: Most likely to get engaged
Wondering when he’s finally going to pop the question, ladies? According to Mislove and Lehmann’s Twitter study, there are spikes around Valentine’s Day (no surprise there!) and the Christmas and New Year’s holidays. Start saving up, gentlemen — some of you might have a big purchase to make soon!
* JAN. 17: Saddest day
It turns out the winter blues aren’t just a myth — according to researcher Cliff Arnall, the third Monday of January is the most depressing day of the year. Arnall made this determination using an equation that factors in weather, debt, time since Christmas and people’s motivational levels.
He found the third Monday in January — Jan. 17 this year — to be the most depressing because it tends to be the time when people finally break their New Year’s resolutions, holly jolly holiday feelings wear off and the reality of paying off Christmas debt sinks in. Combine all that with cold, gray weather and you’ve got a recipe for the saddest, most dismal, down-and-out day of the year.
“All the presents have been unwrapped, and there isn’t so much to look forward to,” says Dan Kruger, an evolutionary psychologist at the University of Michigan.
* APRIL, MAY, OCTOBER: Most likely to volunteer
The spring and fall see a spike in tweets regarding volunteering — particularly at the start of April, beginning of May and early October, while summertime is quieter, according to Mislove and Lehmann’s data.
“It may have to do with folks vacationing,” Lehmann says about why the summer is a quieter time for volunteering.
* SUMMER: When men and women are likely to cheat
Keep a close eye on your man during the summer, ladies — he’s more likely to shack up with another woman during the warm, balmy summer months. Kruger attributes this to several factors, including the hot weather.
“It can be based on a combination of opportunities,” Kruger says. “[For example,] people are more likely to be traveling on the summer holidays.”
Is your gal pal going on vacay with the girls? Beware. Women are also more prone to cheating on their fellas when they’re on annual leave.
“People are not normally in their stable environments and are more likely to be on the beach, scantily clad in their swimsuits,” Kruger says.
* MID-JUNE: Most likely to get hired
Summertime is particularly popular, with a large spike in hiring in the middle of June. Lehmann attributes this to a seasonal rise in summer jobs.
“My guess would be that Twitter has lots of young people [read: college students] who often work during the summer,” Mislove adds.
* JUNE 17, 2011 — in Central Park: Happiest day
Good news! It’s not all gloom and doom — there are several days in 2011 when you can look forward to feeling jovial.
For the ultimate in bliss, hang out in Central Park on the third Friday in June. In fact, book that day off now! According to Arnall, the third Friday in June is the happiest day of the year, and Lehmann and Mislove say Central Park is the most joyful city spot.
“Anecdotally, when we mapped things out, you see a tendency for Central Park to be the one place where people have happier tweets than the rest of the city,” Lehmann says.
You can also expect to feel happier on Sundays and holidays, say Mislove and Lehmann. “You tweet much happier tweets on Valentine’s Day, Thanksgiving and New Year’s,” Lehmann says.
* JULY: Most likely to give birth
According to the Centers for Disease Control, more newborns arrive during the late summer and early fall months than any other time of the year, peaking in July — 375,384 babies were born during that month in 2008. If you’re a February baby, you’re a rarity — that’s the month when the fewest babies are born: 338,521 in 2008, according to the CDC.
As for days of the week, Tuesday was the most common day for babies to be born in 2008, while Sunday was the least common.
“We can’t say [why this is] with any specificity, although it certainly has to do with planning operating procedures during the week,” says CDC demographer Dr. Paul Sutton. “Saturdays and Sundays are the least popular because [there are fewer] planned procedures.”
* DECEMBER: Most likely to break up
If you’re still with your honey, you’ve already cleared the biggest hurdle of the year for breakups. British author, designer and obsessive data collector David McCandless recently analyzed more than 10,000 Facebook status updates to see if there were any patterns when couples tend to split up. He found the two weeks leading up to Christmas are by far the most popular time to separate, followed by spring break and the weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day. Mondays, in general, are also a popular time to use the “we need to talk” line.
“This ties into the whole stress of the holiday season,” Kruger weighs in. “The holidays are supposed to be a time of celebration, but there’s so much we have to do for it that it just becomes a burden and stressful.” There are limitations to the results, however — for example, it might take people a few days or weeks to update their relationship statuses.
* CHRISTMAS DAY: Least likely to break up
On the flip side, according to the Facebook study, you’re pretty safe on Christmas Day, so breathe easy, open some presents and sip some eggnog, knowing your relationship has weathered the dreaded holiday season.
“This is when everyone is getting together and celebrating the holidays. You just want to avoid that [breaking up] situation,” Kruger says. The dog days of August are also a low-risk time for breakups, according to the study.
christina.amoroso@nypost.com