Nothing is ever as good as you remember it, but the gap between the memory and the reality felt like a canyon last night at Barclays Center as New Kids On The Block came to town. It can’t be denied that in boy-band (and music business) terms, the Bostonians are pioneers. Their huge success at the end of the 1980s spawned a wave of high-earning, low-charisma imitators that continues to this day. Of course, NKOTB fans have now grown up, have money to spare and crucially, the passing of over 25 years has fostered the idea that their songs were actually, sorta fun. While that may be true for a few numbers, watching them perform an entire set was a painful reminder of how hard they could suck.
The hits were drizzled through their set; “The Right Stuff,” “Step By Step” and the absurd but fun “Hangin’ Tough” in particular were what the fans had paid good money for. But what came in the seemingly endless interim was an onslaught of drippy ballads and lightweight pop fillers. Even more pathetic was the mid-show acoustic set/karaoke session which featured covers of The Jackson 5’s “I’ll Be There,” George Michael’s “Faith” and Prince’s “Kiss.” As if having so many awful songs of their own wasn’t enough, New Kids On The Block opted to turn other people’s golden nuggets into cast iron turds. Even though the dance moves were rickety and their singing was often feeble, the crowd (made up almost entirely of women and the odd reluctant husband) screamed along dutifully. But whether it was from genuine excitement is doubtful. The more likely scenario was that these grown adults simply felt like they owed it to their ten-year-old selves to react hysterically.
But for sheer blandness, New Kids On The Block were easily topped by 98 Degrees. Back in the day, these Californian goons managed to carve out a niche (and a few hits) by positioning themselves as a rough and tumble version of the Backstreet Boys. To their credit, the four of them still have more beef than cake in their physiques — something which they were happy to show off during their warm up act. But time hasn’t been so kind to 98 Degrees music. Their banal pap was passable at best in the dog days of the late twentieth century, but now just sounds plain embarrassing. When the quartet brought four ladies onstage to serenade during the painfully sappy “My Everything,” the fact that three of them are clearly teenagers makes you wonder if a call to child protection services might be in order. An awkward low point in an already horrendous set.
Openers Boyz II Men certainly maintained their reputation as gifted vocalists and were arguably the most naturally gifted act on the entire bill. But they were reduced to wheeling out hits like “Motown Philly” and “End Of The Road” like soul robots, and despite performing their dance moves with plenty of enthusiasm, it’s sad to see how the early 1990s have obviously become their collective prison. Such is the danger of looking back for too long. Consider all of this to be a cautionary tale.